Friday Fun Stuff – 3-28-25

Game of Life IRL – Studio C

Magnavolt Car Anti Theft Commercial

Where can I get this?

Nicknames For Coworkers…

KITKAT: Always taking a break.
BUTTER KNIFE: Not the sharpest tool in the box.
ARTHUR: Does “half a” job.
MOTION LIGHT: Only works when someone walks past.
E.T.: Always wants to go home.
SEAWEED: Floats around all day and stinks like shit.
LANTERN: Not very bright, and has to be carried.
DECK CHAIR: Always folds under pressure.
G- SPOT: You can never find them.
DAISY: Some daisy’s in, some daisy’s isn’t.
FORESKIN: Disappears when things get hard.
COLESLAW: They’re 90% cabbage

Cats Can Sutter

A teacher is explaining biology to her third grade students.

She says, “Human beings are the only creatures that stutter.”

A little girl raises her hand, saying, “I once had a kitty cat that stuttered.”

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well,” she began, “l was in the back yard with my kitty, and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew It, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

The teacher exclaimed, “That must’ve been scary!”

The little girl said, “It sure was. My kitty raised her back, went ‘Sssss, Sssss, Sssss’. And before she could say ‘Shit,’ the Rottweiler ate her!”

The teacher had to leave the room.

Harry Potter Quotes Taken Out Of Context

• “Some wizards just like to boast that theirs are bigger and better than other people’s.”
• “Malfoy was screaming and holding Harry so tightly it hurt.”
• “Well?” Ron said finally, looking up at Harry. “How was it?” Harry considered for a moment. ‘Wet,” he said truthfully.
• “Harry didn’t sleep all night. He could hear Neville sobbing into his pillow for what seemed like hours. Harry couldn’t think of anything to say to comfort him. He knew Neville, like himself, was dreading the dawn. What would happen when the rest of Gryffindor found out what they’d done?”
• “I dunno,” said Harry. “Maybe it’s better when you do it yourself, I didn’t enjoy it much when Dumbledore took me along for the ride.”
• “An Engorgement Charm, I suppose?” said Hermione, halfway between disapproval and amusement. “Well, you’ve done a good job on them.” “That’s what your little sister said,” said Hagrid, nodding at Ron. “Met her just yesterday.” Hagrid looked sideways at Harry, his beard twitching.
• “Tell George not to—OUCH! George, no, there’s no room”
• “Harry could see Draco Malfoy banging his goblet on the table. It was a sickening sight”
• “Rather thicker than one usually sees…quite rigid…ten and a quarter inches.”
• “Tired Of walking in on Harry, Hermione and Ron all over the school, Professor McGonagall had given them permission to use the empty Transfiguration classroom at lunchtimes.”
• “It’s in fine condition. You treat it regularly?”, “Polished it last night,” said Cedric, grinning. Harry looked down at his own wand. He could see finger marks all over it. He gathered a fistful of robe from his knee and tried to rub it clean surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it. Fleur Delacour gave him a very patronizing look, and he desisted.

Cigarettes And Tampons

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his Wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says. confused. ‘Sir, I thought you Were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, ‘You see, it’s like this, yesterday. sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause “it’s sooooooooooo much cheaper.

So, I figure If I have to roll my own so does she.

The 20 Creepiest Things You Can Whisper In Someone Else’s Ear When Giving Them A Hug

• Long sniff – Mmmmm….you smell different when you’re awake.
• “Please help me” then smile as if nothing happened.
• “Soon.”
• If it’s a girl you’re hugging, and you’re a guy. “I can feel them pressing against my chest. I think those are the only thing I miss about being a woman.”
• A good friend of mine (we are both males) enjoy creating awkward situations by hugging in public when we see each other. We don’t do the manly, back pound hug, instead we do the arms up and under each other’s armpit’s hugs. We slowly rub each other’s back and say, loud enough for everyone to hear: “So nice. So nice. So safe. So nice.” And then we separate with a big sigh. It can silence a room.
• You have lovely skin, I can’t wait to try it on
• “The slow blade penetrates the shield…”
• “Your hair tastes like strawberries”
• “Tonight….you.”
• “Wait… don’t let go just yet.”
• “He knows, don’t go home.”
• “I always knew you would die in my arms”.
• “That’ll do pig”
• “Every time I poop, I think of you.”
• “No one will ever believe you”
• “Yesssssssssssss”
• “I bet you didn’t feel me lick you ear’
• “I killed Mufasa.”
• “There are only four layers, or less, of cloth separating us from ecstasy.”
• “Mother told me it would be like this”

Two Men And A Woman Get Stranded On An Island, What Happens Next Is Priceless

On a group of beautiful, deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two American men and one American woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman

One month later on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

• One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
• The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, all the sales she’s missing, how her relationship with her mother is improving, and how at least the taxes are low and it isn’t raining. The American woman, meanwhile, watches the men fart and scratch.
• The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
• The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
• The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
• The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
• The two Japanese men have emailed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
• The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/ convenience store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
• The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage-a-trois.
• The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they’re satisfied, because at least the English aren’t having any fun.

What To Say To A Rude Stranger

1. Did you mean to be so rude?
2. I hope your day is as pleasant as you are.
3. You would be much more likeable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.
4. I wish I could put some people on mute.
5. Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?
6. You would argue with a fence post.
7. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
8. Really, you know what that sounds like? Not my problem!
9. Try being informed instead of being opinionated.
10. I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can continue this conversation if you’re going to be rude.

What Kid Of A Teacher Asks Questions Like This?

A teacher asked her pupils: “What would be a nice way to die?

A little girl in the rear says: “It’s dying just like my Grandpa.”

Teacher: ” OK, and how did your Grandfather die?”

Little Girl: “He died in his sleep.”

Then the teacher asked: “What would be the most atrocious way to die?”

And the little girl replied: “That would be like how my Grandpa’s friends died.”

The intrigued teacher asked: “And how did they die?”

Little Girl: “They were all in my Grandpa’s car when he fell asleep..!”

Why Didn’t You Study

Next time your teacher asks why you didn’t study, hit ‘em with this math:

A year has 365 days to study, right? WRONG.

Let’s break it down:
• 52 Sundays = 313 days left
• 50 summer days (too hot to work) = 263 days left
• Sleep (8 hours/day = 122 days) = 141 days left
• 1 hour of fun daily (15 days gone) = 126 days left
Eating (2 hours/day = 30 days) = 96 days left
Talking to friends & family (1 hour/day = 15 days)
= 81 days left
Exams & tests (35 days) = 46 days left
Holidays (40 days off) = 6 days left
• Sick days (3 days) = 3 days left
Going out (2 days) = 1 day left

BUT WAIT… That 1 day is your birthday!

So technically… there is ZERO time to study.

Case closed.

Why Men And Women Think Differently

This Guy Nails It

Women are much more complicated than men. Men are very simple. And you know why? It’s because their brains are so different. First, I want to start with men. Men’s brains are very unique. Most women don’t realize that whether we are having sex or watching sports, our brains are made up of little boxes. We’ve got a box for everything. We’ve got a box for the car. got a box for the money. We’ve got a box for the job. We’ve got a box for you. We’ve got a box for the kids. We’ve got a box for your mother somewhere in the basement.

We’ve got boxes everywhere. And the rule is: the boxes don’t touch. When a man discusses a particular subject, we go to that particular box, we pull that box out, we open the box, and We discuss only what is in THAT BOX. And then we close the box and put it away being very, very careful not to touch other boxes.

Now women’s brains are very, very different from men’s brains. Women’s brains are made up of a big ball of wire. And everything is connected to everything. The money is connected to the car and the car is connected to your job and your kids are connected to your mother and everything is all connected. It’s like the internet, and it’s all driven by energy that we call emotion. It’s one of the reasons why women tend to remember…everything.

Because if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion, and it burns in your memory, and you can remember it forever. The same thing happens for men. It just doesn’t happen very often, because quite frankly…we don’t care. Women tend to care about everything. And she just loves it.

Now men, we have a box in our brain that most women are not aware of. This particular box has nothing in it. In fact, we call it the ‘nothing box.’ And of all the boxes a man has in his brain, the ‘nothing box’ is our favorite box. If a man has a chance, he’ll go to his nothing box every time. That’s why a man can do something seemingly completely brain dead for hours on end. You know, like fishing.

Now they’ve actually measured this. The University of Pennsylvania a couple of years ago did a study and discovered that men have the ability to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe.

Women can’t do it. Their minds have never stopped. And they don’t understand the ‘nothing box’, and it drives them CRAZY because nothing drives a woman more crazy and makes them feel more irritated than to watch a man doing nothing.

Ok, Maybe On April 1st