Friday Fun Stuff – 3-21-25

Greek God Assignments – Studio C

Sarcasmaholics Anonymous – Burnistoun

Best Comebacks For When Someone Calls You Fat

• “I’m just more of me to love, but what about you?” – Flip the script and make them feel awkward for trying to shame you.
• “At least my personality isn’t as small as your mind.” – Because being kind and cool beats being mean any day.
• “I’m not fat, I’m just easier to see.” – Turn the insult into a playful acknowledgment.
• “Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Anything else you want to share?” – Let them know they’re not exactly breaking news here.
• “I’m comfortable in my skin, but are you comfortable in your insecurities?” – Remind them that confidence is what truly matters.
• “My size doesn’t define me, but your words define you.” – Call out their character without even raising your voice.
• “I’m fat? Nah, I’m just full of fabulousness.” – Turn their negativity into a compliment.
• “Jealous much? Because I’m living my best life.” – Make it clear that their opinion isn’t affecting your happiness.
• “You thought that could bring me down? Well, guess what – I am back and stronger than ever. Try again.”
• “If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d be able to buy you a personality.” – Money and sass? Yes, please.
• “I’m not fat, I’m just horizontally gifted.” – A little twist on the usual phrase keeps things light.
• “I’m not overweight, I’m undertall.” – Blame it on the height, not the weight.
• “You think I’m fat? That’s just my winter coat.” – Play along with a seasonal joke.
• “My body is like a McFlurry – sweet, cold, and always satisfying.” – Because who doesn’t love a good McFlurry?
• “I’m not fat; I’m just living life to the fullest – literally.” – Celebrate every inch of yourself.
• “The only thing I’m fat with is happiness.” – Happiness is the best kind of weight to carry.
• “Wys, do you even see how fabulous I look? Because I’m loving every bit of it!”
• “At least I have something interesting to talk about. What’s your excuse?” – Hit them where it hurts: their boring personality.
• “I could diet, but you’re gonna need a miracle to fix your ugly attitude.” – Take the heat up a notch with this one.
• “If my size bothers you, then stop staring. Simple.” – Make it clear that their opinion is irrelevant.

Good News and Bad News For You

A struggling artist stops by the studio where his recent work is hanging for sale. The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.

“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass away. I told him they would double, possibly triple, in value. So he bought them all.”

“Whoa!” exclaims the artist. “That’s fantastic. What could be the bad news?”

“The guy is your doctor,” the owner says.

Different Countries In Sex Ed Class

America: “LOL HE JUST SAID PENIS”

England: Very mature about the class, and scoffs at everyone who snickers. He kicks America out of his chair.

France: Gets detention for intentionally moaning after everything the teacher says.

Russia: Asks the most raw yet innocent questions about the anatomy of a penis. Takes extensive notes which people thought was creepy. People would laugh but he just scares the shit out of everyone.

China: Fell asleep. Australia drew a dick on his face.

Italy: Keeps whispering dirty ass jokes to Germany

Germany: Was really fu(king embarrassed by the class, plus he had to deal with a huge-ass blush on his face. Poor Germany.

Japan: Grimacing at everyone who makes jokes, but deep down, he finds it really funny.

Australia: Draws a dick on the board when the teacher leaves the room and puts the marker in Germany’s lap

Spain: Staring at Canada.

Canada: Fiercely trying to not look Spain in the eye.

The Perfect Prank

When my little brother turns twenty-one, I will take him to a bar and get him wasted. While we are at the bar, I will have a team working on his bedroom. For twenty-four hours they will be painting his walls white, pulling all the stuff out of there, tiling his floor to make his room look like a hospital. Then they will set up the hospital bed, heart monitor, curtain etc. Once 1 hear the room is done I will put him in my car and drive to a professional make up artist to put an old man mask and other stuff to cover his body. I will proceed to get myself an old man mask and others for my other brother and friends. Once we are set, we will all dress up as old people, put him in his realistic old man suit, then we’ll put him in the hospital bed, and hook him up to a bunch of different machines. Here is the waiting of my plan, we will wait for him to wake up. We will then tell him a story about how he drove home that night. He got in an accident and was in a coma for forty years. We will see how long it takes him to figure it out.

His reaction will probably be priceless.

Emotional Fucks

Sexual: Let’s fuck.
Mischief: Let’s fuck with them.
Aggression: Let’s fuck them up.
Anger: Fuck you.
Regret: Fuck me!
Resignation: Oh, fuck it!
Surprise: Holy fuck!
Puzzlement: What the fuck?
Greeting: How the fuck are you?
Fraud: I got fucked over.
Identification: Who the fuck are you?
Philosophical: Who gives a fuck?
Compliment: She’s so fucking beautiful.
Confusion: Where the fuck are we?
Wonder: What the fuck is that?
Amazement: How the fuck did he do that?
Threat: Don’t fuck with me!
Realization: I fucking knew it!

Want To See What Having A Wife Is Like?

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner…unannounced at 7:30 pm after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens.

Wife: “My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I’m still in my pajamas and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?!?”

Husband: “Because he’s thinking of getting married and I promised him a demo!”

Things That Happened On My First Day At Target

-Sold lingerie to an eighty year old woman
-Got a free salted caramel Frappuccino from the suspectedly gay barista, Parker
-Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen year old girl who was cringing the entire time
-Had a very engaging conversation with a three year old boy about colors. We both like blue.
-Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair
-Watched her and two other women with her get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.
-Sold fifteen gallons Of kitty litter to a soccer mom who refused to break eye contact
-Got a second free Starbucks drink. This One was a pumpkin pie one that wasn’t even on the menu. I like this barista man.
-Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job.

While The Train Was In A Tunnel

An old English gentleman, a handsome young Frenchman, an old lady and a beautiful young blonde are traveling in the same compartment of a train. The train passes through a tunnel and the compartment is thrown into complete dark. A sound of kiss followed by a loud slap are heard.

The old lady thinks to herself: “I am sure the young Frenchman tried to kiss the blonde and she must have slapped him.”

The blonde thinks to herself: “Looks like the Frenchman wanted to kiss me. But accidentally kissed the old lady and she must have slapped him.

The Frenchman thinks to himself: “Looks like the old Englishman kissed the young lady and she mistakenly slapped me.”

And the Englishman thinks to himself: “That was fun. I kissed my own hand and slapped the smug Frenchman. Can’t wait for the next tunnel to repeat this.”

Best Savage Comebacks for “You’re a Smartass”

1. “Oh, did my intelligence trigger your insecurity?”
2. “I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.”
3. “Wow, you’re really going for it today, huh? Too bad you’re still a loser.”
4. “You bring this out in me—it’s like magic, except more tragic.”
5. “Not everyone gets my level of genius; it’s okay, don’t strain yourself.”
6. “Congrats, you’ve reached a new level of irrelevant.”
7. “If sarcasm were an Olympic sport, you’d still be watching from the stands.”
8. “You say smartass like it’s a bad thing.”
9. “Well, someone’s gotta keep things interesting.”
10. “If I wanted your opinion, I’d have asked… but I didn’t.”
11. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, but you’re not right either.”
12. “It’s called being hilarious. You should try it sometime.”
13. “I’m not a smartass. I just have a talent for pointing out the obvious.”
14. “Who asked? Oh wait, literally no one.”
15. “Aww, you noticed! My sarcasm’s been working out.”
16. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize I was dealing with an amateur.”
17. “You’re acting like a freak, but you do you!”