Definition Of Politics
“Politics, n: Poly “many” + tics “blood-sucking parasites””
Probably the greatest political sage this country ever has known.
There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what’s going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?
I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.
The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, “How’s the President?”
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing — and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U.S. Senators.
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him “father.”
There ought to be one day—just one—when there is open season on senators.
The country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
If I studied all my life, I couldn’t think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of Congress.
If you ever injected truth into politics you’d have no politics.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
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Lessons In Sex And Politics
A son asks his father, “What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thought some and said, “OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let’s say that I’m a capitalist because I’m the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?” The little boy said, “Well, Dad, I don’t know, but I’ll think about what you said.”
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother’s crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent’s bedroom and found his father’s side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn’t wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.
The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, “Dad, I think I understand politics much better now.” “Excellent, my boy,” he answered, “What have you learned?” The little boy thought for a minute and said, “I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future’s full of crap.”
Libertarians & Anarchists
What’s the difference between Anarchists and Libertarians??
1. Libertarians are anarchists with money.
2. Anarchists believe property is theft. Libertarians believe everything is property.
3. Libertarians are bosses; anarchists work for them when they run out of other options.
4. Libertarians buy more guns, but anarchists use more ammo.
5. Libertarians ride in stretch limos; anarchists throw bricks through their windshields.
6. Libertarians go shopping; anarchists go shoplifting.
7. Libertarians go to the police after they’ve been mugged; anarchists get mugged by the police.
8. A libertarian wants to marry another libertarian, but only after sleeping with enough anarchists.
9. Anarchists ignore the IRS; Libertarians hire accountants and attorneys to fight them.
10. Libertarians think the government is trying steal the property they rightfully own; anarchists think the government is trying to defend property that nobody rightfully owns.
11. Libertarians are organized in a political party; anarchists aren’t organized in anything.
12. Anarchists ignore elections; Libertarians run for office, vote, and lose.
13. Libertarians think anarchists are naive and unrealistic; anarchists don’t care what libertarians think.
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Major Auction Benefit in Washington
Christie’s and Sotheby’s just announced their joint sponsorship of a new and important auction to take place in the US Senate Congress on Memorial Day, in which ALL US SENATORS WILL BE AUCTIONED OFF to the highest bidder to further public transparency of Senatorial allegiances, following the outcry caused by the recent Senate rejection of every single gun control measure before it.
The audience is expected to include several thousand lobbyists representing the oil, gas and coal sectors, insurance, healthcare providers, gun manufacturers, large farmers, weapons industries, banks and other G Street occupiers. Bidders will be allowed to form “syndicates”, similar to those made famous by the Maffia, which will enable them to purchase “portions” of each Senator, representing their particular interests. The successful bidders will place their winning bid into a “Senatorial Trust(sic)Fund”, to be used for reelection by the designated recipient.
This scheme was resoundingly endorsed by the Senate by a vote of 98 to 2 against (Rand Paul and Ted Cruz, who threatened to filibuster the auction).
Things To Do While You Wait In Line to Vote
1. Catch up on Facebook statuses to make sure you’re informed.
2. Turn to the guy behind you and say, “Can you save my spot, I have to pee?” and then don’t go anywhere. After a minute, turn and say thank you.
3. Throw someone off the line and then look at everyone and say “no ticket.”
4. Constantly ask when they’re serving pizza.
5. Tell the person who checks you in that you’re voting based on number of erections you got in the last hour. Romney gets evens, Obama gets odds. When they give a puzzled look, get offended and ask “Why? How do YOU vote?”
6. Breathe heavily on the person in front of you and say “Fuckin’ Romney, right?”
7. When people complain that the line is taking forever, exclaim, “I KNOW. And I’m not even registered to vote.”
8. Complain you still haven’t received your free “I Voted” tote bag and if that if you knew they weren’t giving them out, you wouldn’t have showed.
9. Ask the volunteers who check you in if they “like to party” and then wink and gesture toward the voting booth.
10. Bring your ice cream maker, find a spot on the ground and start churning out fresh ice cream. When you finally have enough for everyone, scream “It’s still not perfect” and throw it all in the garbage.
11. Ask the person in front of you who they’re voting for and regardless of what they say, furrow your brow and reply “interesting” and then leave.
Thoughts For Today On Politics
The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~ Henry Cate, VII
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven. ~ Will Rogers
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. ~ Plato
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~ Nikita Khrushchev
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. ~ Author Unknown
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. ~ Jay Leno
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. ~ John Quinton
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. ~ Oscar Ameringer
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it. ~ P.J. O’Rourke
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. ~ Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. ~ Texas Guinan
Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. ~ Gore Vidal
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. ~ Charles de Gaulle
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~ Doug Larson
Don’t vote, it only encourages them. ~ Author Unknown
There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators. ~ Will Rogers
The Travel Agent
For thirty Years I have been a Travel Agent, serving our legislators and their staffs. This is how I know we’re in trouble!
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the plane, so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.” Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.” Her response .(click).
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me, I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state.”
I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” She said, “But they look so close on the map.”
An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between the gates to save time.”
An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A New York lawmaker called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said, ” No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said ‘FAT’ and I’m overweight. I think that is very rude.” After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it’ (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”
I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them.”
A lady Senator called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever!”
A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”
A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Rhino anywhere.” The lady retorted, “Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map.” The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal,” she said.
Now you know why Government is in the shape that it’s in.
Top “Arguments” Against Gay Marriage
Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. That’s why infertile couples and old people can’t legally get married.
Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
Straight marriage, such as Britney Spears’ 55-hour, just-for-fun marriage, will be less meaningful.
Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; for example, women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because majority-elected legislatures, and not courts, have historically done such a swell job of protecting the rights of minorities in the past.
Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to cars or longer life spans.
Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name, are preferable, because separate-but-equal institutions are constitutional.
You Might Be A Republican If...
• You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
• You’ve ever referred to someone as “my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend.”
• You’re a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
• You’ve ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
• You’ve ever uttered the phrase, “Why don’t we just bomb the sons of bitches.”
• You’ve ever called a secretary or waitress “Honey.”
• You don’t think “The Simpsons” is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
• You don’t let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of “sexual deviance.”
• You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit…
• You scream “Dit-dit-ditto” while making love.
• You’ve argued that art has a “moral foundation set in Western values.”
• You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
• You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.
• Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
• You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.
• You’ve ever said, “Clean air? Looks clean to me.”
• You’ve ever referred to Anita Hill as a “lying bitch” while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
• You spent MLK Day reading “The Bell Curve.”
• You’ve ever called education a luxury.
• You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
• You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
• You own a vehicle with an “Ollie North: American Hero” sticker.
• You’re afraid of the “liberal media.”
• You ever based an argument on the phrase, “Well, tradition dictates….”
• You’ve ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers.
• You think all artists are gay.
• You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch “lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn’t want to contribute to society.”
• You’ve ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don’t even have shoes
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We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author
Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
I offered my opponents a deal: “If they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them”.
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
What happens if a politician drowns in a river?
West Wing Quotes
The president we wish we had
Governor Bartlet: “Let me put it this way, I voted against the bill because I didn’t want to make it harder for people to buy milk. I stopped some money from flowing into your pocket. If that angers you, if you resent me, I completely respect that. But if you expect anything different from the president of the United States, you should vote for someone else.”
Margaret: I can sign the President’s name. I have his signature down pretty good.
Bartlet: Willey’s going to drop out after South Carolina?
Josh: Well, I feel bathed in the warm embrace of the candidate.
Abby: You can say it, you know. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before.
Josh: Governor, you should really get back to the ballroom, so that you can get on a plane and get to California.
Bartlet: I’ve been a real jackass to you, Josh.
IN THIS WHITE HOUSE
Sam (during break): “Please oh please, let them not be watching.”
Josh: “Toby, come quick – Sam’s getting his ass kicked by a girl!”
Ainsley: “Mr. McGarry, I loathe almost everything you believe in… I’m standing up which is how one speaks in opposition in a civilized world… I find this administration smug and patronizing and under the impression that those who disagree with them are less than they are and with colder hearts.”
Ainsley: “This White House that feels that government is better for children than parents are. That looks at 40 years of degrading and humiliating free lunches handed out in a spectacularly failed effort to level the playing field and says lets try 40 more. This White House that says of anyone that points that out to them that they are cold and mean and racists and then accuses the Republicans of using the politics of fear. This White House that loves the Bill of Rights, all of them, except the second one.”
Ainsley: “You don’t like people who do like guns. You don’t like the people. Think about that the next time you make a joke about the South.”
Leo: “CJ Cregg thinks you kill your pets. You don’t do that do you?”
Leo: “Ainsley, don’t you want to work in the White House?”
AND IT’S SURELY TO THEIR CREDIT
Bartlet: Well, obviously, Lionel Tribbey is a brilliant lawyer whom we cannot live without, or there would be very little reason not to put him in prison.
Ainsley (on Tribbey): I’m a Republican and he’s *incredibly* not.
Ainsley: You’re sending me to the hill because I speak Republican?
Tribbey: These people here are trying to do something. I’ll have their backs while they’re trying. What are *you* doing here?
Ainsley: Hello… ???
THE LAME DUCK CONGRESS
Josh: …and Republicans find the word “ergonomic” to be silly.
Josh: I need Vasily Konanov to meet with someone of absolutely not consequence. You’re my girl.
Donna: My value here is that I have no value.
Josh: Oh, how I miss the Cold War.
THE PORTLAND TRIP
Bartlet: The Assistant Energy Secretary is flying to Portland in the middle of the night so he can meet with me on Air Force One on the way back?
Danny: Are you being punished?
Sam: Oratory should raise your heart rate. Oratory should blow the doors off the place. We should be talking about not being satisfied with past solutions, we should be talking about a permanent revolution.
Donna: Do you and I look alike?
Donna: I think it’s because of the alabaster skin and the farm girl looks that…
CJ: Every time we come up on a holiday, you guys check out like seniors who are done with
Sam (about CJ): Somebody needs to learn the true meaning of Thanksgiving.
Morton: I’m dropping off the turkeys… Where should I put ‘em?
Donna: Ever year on Thanksgiving, the President pardons a turkey… and its your event.
CJ: In the following days, we will be meeting with Reverend Al Caldwell, members of
CJ: Okay, it’s show time guys. I’ve observed you under a number of conditions, and this
Josh: The INS agents also feel it’s not uncommon in this situation for refugees to… How
CJ: I need you to pardon a turkey.
Bartlet: Morton, I can’t pardon a turkey. If you think I can pardon a turkey, then you have
Josh: There’s a Citizen’s Stamp Advisory Committee?
Donna: We have colonized Puerto Rico and they will rise up against us.
Josh: We think if we hit the ground hard enough, we can make it to the center of the planet and find water?
Bartlet: Modern music sucks. Anything written after 1860 sucks.
Sam: Can I just say that I was the one who was in trouble? I was the one under siege. It was my picture in the paper. And, I don’t know why I need to call you and explain myself.
Sam: Yeah, she’s (Mallory) here. She snuck up on me from behind. You’d think women would make more noise with their big high heels, but they don’t. They got this stealth thing going, which I really ought to be clever enough… (Mallory appears)
Mallory: And we went to the moon. Do we really have to go to Mars?
THE LEADERSHIP BREAKFAST
Josh: And what stupid-ass Irish thing did you say to Karen Cahill that you now need me to apologize at Ben and Sally’s like a little girl?… Let me tell you what was surprising about that moment just then. I said that only 12 hours after you were very cool about my almost accidentally setting the building on fire.
Sam: I don’t do well with Karen.
Leo: There was a freshman democrat who came to Congress 50 years ago. He turned to a senior Democrat and said, ‘Where are the Republicans? I want to meet the enemy.’ The senior Democrat said, ‘The Republicans aren’t the enemy. They’re the opposition. The Senate is the enemy.’ Those days are over.
Bartlet: Who’s the next meeting?
Donna: Did you fall down at all?
Sam: I said the wrong one.
Sam: It’s a private poll. The press doesn’t have access to it… The only way they’d know what questions were being asked is if they were actually called by one of the pollsters
Bartlet: Donna wants me to call Karen Cahill and make it clear she wasn’t hitting on her when she gave her her underwear.
Leo: Alexander Hamilton didn’t think we should have political parties. Neither did John Adams. He thought political parties led to divisiveness.
THE DROP IN
CJ: What are you doing?
Donna: Are you threatened by his brilliance?
Josh: I’m just gonna, you know, stand next to the wall for a while longer.
Josh: Okay, what I need people to do is knock.
Bartlet: The number of different words they had for “manipulative,” Leo, there’s no way they didn’t have a thesaurus open in front of them.
Leo: I’m pushing you to the missile defense shield cause I think it works.
BARTLET’S THIRD STATE OF THE UNION
Charlie: And why doesn’t he ask the First lady about the $500 check himself in the normal course of, you know, being married to her.
Abby: What do you need?
Ainsley: Have you been watching?
Ainsley: I am not scared to meet the President cause I’m not gonna meet the President.
Sam: Yeah. And remember you’re a blond republican girl and that nobody likes you.
Donna: ‘Joey, would you like to go out Friday night.’ You know, you have to say it. You have to ask a girl out on a DATE. You can’t just randomly tumble into a girl sideways and hopes she breaks up with you soon like you always do.
Josh: America is talking and I’m trying to hear what they’re saying.
Sam: I came down here to tell you…
THE WAR AT HOME
Donna: She wants you to ask her out Josh.
Josh: All last night at the phone banks, Donna was telling me I should ask Joey Lucas out.
Josh: Why do you ask me the question, when you’re gonna have the conversation by yourself?
Bartlet: We try to get people to vote for us and in the process we hope the people force us
Josh: Numbers don’t lie.
Bartlet: I’ll tell you something Leo, after heroin and cocaine, tobacco is next.
Leo: I fought a jungle war. I’m not doing it again. If I could put myself anywhere in
Bartlet: You know what Truman Capote said was the bad part about living outside the law?
Josh: All right. First things first – what time is it in Tokyo?
Sam: He’s going to travel Easward from Tokyo, leaving at seven pm, so when he crosses the international dateline-
Bartlet: I’ve got to hand it to you guys: you’ve pulled off a political first. You’ve managed to win me the support of the Christian Right and the Cheech and Chong Fan Club in the same day.
Toby: I bring you here, and we sit, and we have coffee, and we have Danish, in the hope that calmer and, dare I say, prettier heads prevail.
Charlie: Well he would have especially enjoyed the scene where the Prince Myshkin character has a seizure while engaging in an erotic fantasy in a Long Island church.
Margaret (to the Surgeon General): Red meat has been found to cause cancer in white rats. Maraschino cherries have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Cellular phones have been found to cause cancer in white rats. Has anyone examined the possibility that cancer might be hereditary in white rats?
Andi: I find that when I skip over the first step and move right to the second step, it becomes a lot harder for people to say no.
SOMEONE’S GOING TO EMERGENCY…
Charlie: I’ve got it here in my notes. “Requires that all non-housing farm and ranch structures built prior to 1900 be preserved by the owners unless destroyed by an act of God”.
Sachs: Rhonda Sachs. They asked me to make sure you go home in one piece.
Toby: You want the benefits of free trade? Food is cheaper.
THE STACKHOUSE FILIBUSTER
Senator Stackhouse:That is how you prepare Virginia Green apple pie. Let’s turn now to David Copperfield…
CJ: If you ever have a free two hours and are so inclined, try standing up without leaning on
Sam: You’re going back to Smith College, the cradle of feminism, to argue in opposition of the Equal Rights Amendment? They’re gonna hate you.
Sam: A few years ago, Donna’s boyfriend broke up with her so she started working for Josh. But then, the boyfriend told her to come back, and she did. And then they broke up, and she came back to work… I thought you meant *you* didn’t want to talk about it… I’m a spokesman – it’s in my blood.
Sam: We’re not making fun of the host.
Sam: If the Amendment’s redundant, what’s your problem if it’s passed or not?
Toby: You don’t have to break the law to get served with articles of impeachment.
Sam: When I was downstairs, I made a decision. I’m gonna register with the Republican Party – and I’ll tell you why, if you’re curious. It’s because they’re a freedom-loving people.
Donna: I’m gonna give you a little gift right now, which you don’t deserve.
Donna: I was actually in a car accident… Anyway, they took me to the hospital and I called him and he came to get me and on the way he stopped and met some friends of his for a beer. Does this make you feel superior? Yes, you are better than my old boyfriend.
Toby: It’s seventeen people, by the way.
THE FALL’S GONNA KILL YOU
Oliver: In my entire life I’ve never found anything charming.
Toby: He calls you and me the Batman and Robin of speech-writing… We’re Batman and Robin!
Sam: First of all, it’s bad writing. It sounds like it was written by a high school girl.
Sam: Henry, last fall, every time your boss got on the stump and said, “It’s time for the rich to pay their fair share,” I hid under a couch and changed my name. I left Gage Whitney making $400,000 a year, which means I paid twenty-seven times the national average in income tax. I paid my fair share, and the fair share of twenty-six other people. And I’m happy to because that’s the only way it’s gonna work, and it’s in my best interest that everybody be able to go to schools and drive on roads, but I don’t get twenty-seven votes on Election Day. The fire department doesn’t come to my house twenty-seven times faster and the water doesn’t come out of my faucet twenty-seven times hotter. The top one percent of wage earners in this country pay for twenty-two percent of this country. Let’s not call them names while they’re doing it, is all I’m saying.
Leo: Come see the President and me a minute, would you?
CJ: You guys are like Butch and Sundance peering over the edge of a cliff to the boulder-filled rapids 300 feet below, thinking you better not jump ’cause there’s a chance you might drown. The President has this disease and has been lying about it, and you guys are worried that the polling might make us look bad? It’s the fall that’s gonna kill ya.
18TH AND POTOMAC
Toby (after telling Donna): If everybody out there takes it the way she did, we may be okay. If a few more people in here took it the way she did, that’d be all right, too.
Gee I Wonder Why He Said That
”I’m ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday. I think it is a tragedy in the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown — in this case a $20 billion shakedown … I’m only speaking for myself. I’m not speaking for anyone else, but I apologize. I do not want to live in a county where anytime a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, [it is] subject to some sort of political pressure that, again, in my words, amounts to a shakedown.”
—Rep. Joe Barton (R-Tex.) member of the Tea Party Caucus, during a congressional hearing with BP CEO Tony Hayward, referring to a $20 billion fund for damages that President Obama pressured BP to set up to pay for the Gulf oil spill. Barton, the biggest recipient of oil and gas industry campaign contributions in the House of Representatives, was forced by Republican leaders to apologize for his BP apology.