Friday Fun Stuff – 2-7-25

Supervillain Interrogation – Studio C

Fawlty Towers Manuel Communication Problems

Funny Bucket List

-Text “I hid the body” to a random number.
-Put blue Gatorade in a Windex bottle. Walk around in public drinking it.
-Specify that your drive-through order is “dine-in”.
-Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you ‘like It that way”.
-Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme
-Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy”
-Go to Australia. Locate 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
-Divide by zero. Escape math class through the wormhole in time it creates as a result.
- Go trick-or-treating as a Jehovah’s witness.

Because We Care About Our Employees Mental Health

Dear Team,

Recently, we conducted a survey to understand your feelings about stress at work. Many of you shared your concerns, which we deeply value and respect.

As a company committed to fostering a healthy and supportive work environment, we have carefully considered the feedback. To ensure that no one remains stressed at work, we have made the difficult decision to part ways with employees who indicated significant stress.

This decision is effective immediately, and impacted employees will receive further details separately.

Thank you for your contributions.
Best regards,
HR Manager

Savage Comebacks

• I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see you beat me to the punch
• OH MY GOO! IT SPEAKS!
• I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash
• First off: Brush your teeth.
• Rolling your isn’t going to help you find your brain,
• I don’t have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you.
• It seems your face caught fire, and somebody attempted to stomp it out with a hammer
• You’re the reason gene pools need lifeguards
• Your birth certificate should be rewritten as a letter of apology.
• If I throw a stick, will you leave?
• You’ve got so many gaps in your teeth it looks like tongue is in jail.
• If going two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
• You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
• Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?
• You Hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.
• You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
• You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it suddenly becomes a beautiful day.
• You have the perfect face for radio
• You look like a ‘before’ picture.
• I’m not saying you’re ugly, but maybe you should start walking backwards.
• You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.

I Don’t Care If It’s Dumb, It’s Still Funny As Hell!

Me: I want a gun belt I could fit around my cat.
Gun Shop Owner : That’s the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.
Me: But I could call her Kitty Kitty Bang Bang.
Gun Shop Owner :…
Me:…
Gun Shop: Give me her measurements.

Things Overheard in Dorms

“That’s the fourth time this week you’ve brought up cannibalizing me. Should I be worried?”
“So needless to say, she peed on me.”
“WOW, this Heineken has such a smooth finish”
“Do you think I can fit an entire orange in my mouth?”
“If I near someone sing Hamilton in the shower again, I’m joining them in their shower so I can drown them.”
“Someone just gave me a free cake. Should I be worried?”
“How did they manage to get that in BOTH shower stalls!?”
“How much caffeine is poisonous? Asking for myself, I’m actually worried.”
Faintly, as though yelled from in a room down the hall “Can you come hand me my Swiss rolls? My head spins if sit up.”
“Well you see, Marxism is actually” anguished yelling from multiple people
“Why is Ross sitting in a box in the hallway with a sweater vest draped over his head?” “Stress.”
“What’s the difference between an undergraduate research assistant and a random nosy 19 year old? Less than you’d think!”
“Let Bob Ross caress your nappy little struggles away”
“He talks like he thinks the world is waiting with bated breath to hear what he thinks about Fight Club.”
screaming in harmony with a vacuum

Mom Hands Me The Phone To Answer

Me: Hello?
Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
Me: I have no mother.
Her: Well, can I speak your father?
Me: Yeah, which one?
Her: Which is home?
Me: Well they’ re Both home. But T don’t think you want to talk to Carlos. He want through a Breakup with his Boyfriend.
Her: Oh, so your fathers’ names are Carlos and Antonio?
Me: No, no! My fathers’ names are Carlos and Mark.
Her: So, who’s Antonio?
Me: I just told you, Carlos’s ex.
Her: So, Carlos was cheating?
Me: Yes, but that’s Only Because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
Her: So, Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
Her: So, Mark wasn’t cheating?
Me: I never said that.
Her: Yes, yes you did!
Me: No, I didn’t.
Her: Y—yes! You did!
Me: Did what?
Her: Y —you— Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

Words Of Wisdom Children

1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. – Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him. – Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diets not working. Michael, 14
4. Stay away from prunes. – Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence. – Robert, 13
6. Don’t squat with your spurs on. – Noronha, 13
7. Don’t pull dad’s finger when he tells you to. Emily, 10
8. When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair. -Taylia, 11
9. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. – Traci, 14
10. Don’t sneeze in front of mom when you’re eating crackers. – Mitchell, 12
11. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac. – Andrew, 9
12. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. – Kyoyo, 9
13. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass milk. – Armir, 9
14. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. – Kellie, Il
15. If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse. -Naomi, 15
16. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. Lauren, 9
17. Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat. – Joel, 10
18. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone. – Alyesha, 13
19. Never try to baptize a cat. – Eileen, 8

She’s Not Worried

A man and a woman were married for many years, and their arguments were legendary, shouting could be heard late into the night. The old man would often yell, “When I die, I’ll dig my way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life!”

The neighbors were terrified of him, and he seemed to enjoy that. Then, at the age of 98, the old man passed away. After the funeral, the neighbors, still worried, asked his wife, “Aren’t you afraid he might actually dig his way out and haunt you?”

She calmly replied, “Let him try. I had him buried upside down, and I know he’ll never ask for directions.”

Yo Mama’s So Fat…

Yo mama’s so fat, when she fell I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Yo mama’s so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.
Yo mama’s so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species become extinct.
Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: “To be continued.”
Yo mama’s so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo mama’s so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she’s known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
Yo mama’s so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND the house.
Yo mama’s so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t even jump to a conclusion.
Yo mama’s so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Yo mama’s so fat, if she was a Star Wars character, her name would be Admiral Snackbar.

Why Teenagers Shouldn’t Be Dicks In Public

Conversation between a couple and their dickish teenage son in front of me at the grocery store

Son – Ugh, Mom your arms are ga-ross.
Dad – Hey, be nice.
Son – Whaaat. I’m being honest.
Mom is silent. Grabs a magazine and places it on the conveyor belt.
Son – Sex tips. Ewww. Mom no one wants to have sex with you.
Dad – I do.
Me – I do.
Cashier – I do.
Bagger – I do.
Cashier in next lane – I do.
Guy in front of line waiting for bags – I do.
Old man behind me – I do.
His wife – I do.

That boy will never forget the day that most of a store confessed to wanting to bang his Mom.

If This Is What’s Really Inside I’m Not Eating It