Girl Stuff – Jokes – Men

Male Bashing
Q. What did G-d say after creating Adam
A. I must be able to do better than that.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A. They won’t stop to ask for directions.

Q. Why does a p@nis have a hole in the end?
A. So men can be open minded.

Q. How are men and parking spots alike?
A. Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q. What is the one thing that all men at single bars have in common?
A. They are all married.
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Date Excuses
Hopefully you’ve never had these used on you, but this is a list of excuses to use if that “special” someone asks you out and you don’t know how to say no. If someone gives you one of these excuses, it is very likely that they have absolutely no interest in going out with you.

1.I’m too old/young for that stuff
2.I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair
3.I have too much guilt
4.There are important world issues that need worrying about
5.I’m uncomfortable when I’m alone or with others
6.I promised to help a friend fold road maps
7.I feel a song coming on
8.I’m trying to be less popular
9.My bathroom tiles need grouting
10.I have to bleach my hare
11.I’m waiting to see if I’m already a winner
12.You know how we psychos are
13.My favorite commercial is on TV
14.I have to study for a blood test
15.I’m observing National Apathy Week
16.I have to rotate my crops
17.My uncle escaped again
18.I’m up to my elbows in waxy buildup
19.I’m having my baby shoes bronzed
20.Having fun gives me prickly heat
21.I’m going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me
22.My palm reader advised against it
23.I have to stay home and see if I snore
24.I prefer to remain an enigma
25.I think you want the OTHER [your name]
26.I have to sit up with a sick ant
27.I’m trying to cut down
28.My asthma is acting up again
29.That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away
30.You’re ugly, I’m busy, have a nice day
31.It’s my goldfish’s birthday
32.Uh, I have stuff to do
33.I have to hide the bodies
34.I don’t have time to go on a date…with YOU!
35.I have to wash my hair
36.I have to clean my toilet
37.My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support
38.I caught a rare deadly African disease that’s highly contagious
39.My gerbil is getting married
40.Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a Mormon and took cover
41.I had to rob your house
42.I don’t date outside my species
43.Sorry I think I’m gay
44.I have to go………..over…………..there
45.y butt is too big in this dress
46.I have to take out the trash
47.My dog had baby kittens
48.I can’t, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together
49.I have to go shopping for my mother
50.I’m sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes
52.I have to go for my full body wax appointment
53.I can’t I was asked to go to another party w/o you
54. have to brush my teeth
55.I’m sick
56.I’ve had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head
57.I’m busy cleaning the blood off my axe
58.My dad said I can’t date till I am married
59.I’m shaving my dog
60.It’s against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)
61.I have to floss my cat
62.It wouldn’t be fair to the other Beautiful People
63.I want to spend more time with my blender
64.The President said he might drop in
65.The man on television told me to say tuned
66.I’ve been scheduled for a karma transplant
67.I did my own thing and now I’ve got to undo it’s a disturbance in the Force
69.I’m doing door-to-door collecting for static cling
70.I have to go to the post office to see if I’m still wanted
71.I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products
72.I’m going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal
73.My crayons all melted together
74.’m trying to see how long I can go without saying yes
75.My patent is pending
76.I’m attending the opening of my garage door
77.I’m sandblasting my oven
78.I’m going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise
79.I’m being deported
80.I’ll be looking for a parking space
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How To Ask A Man To Do Something
Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.
2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.
3. Be brief! Limit your nagging speech to two, three hours, max.
4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn’t have a peel-back cover.
5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.
6. Use “would you” or “will you” instead of “you’d better” or “do as I say and no one will get hurt.”
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Husband 1.0
Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Dear Desperate,
Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run these applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create “Snoring Loudly” wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Tech support
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New Relationship Book
“My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It’s titled: ‘Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.’”New Women’s Study
There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married.
10% of women think their ass is just as big as it was when they got married.
The other 5% say that they don’t care, they love him and would have married him anyway.Factory Workers
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.

Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous…or what?”

“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut, and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
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The Man Dictionary
Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.””CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?”
Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?””UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR”
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”

Translated: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”

Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

Translated: “Are you still talking?”

Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

Translated: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

Translated: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

Translated: “What did you catch me at?”

Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”

Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

Translated: “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”

Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
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Mr. Right Rejection Form Letter
Dear ________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right.

As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available.

So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

Check those that apply:

___Your last name is objectionable. I can’t imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___Your first name is objectionable. It’s just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!
___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
___Your legs are skinnier than mine.
___You’re too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
___You’re too tall. I’m developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___The phrase “My Mother” has popped up far too often in conversation.
___You still live with your parents.
___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.
___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
___I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.


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How To Piss A Man Off
Clean his tools with his favorite shirt.

Rub his stomach while saying, “Buddha, bring me luck.”

Call your mom while he’s listening and invite her to move in with you.

Tell him you’re pregnant and you’re ‘almost sure’ he’s the father.

Tell him you shoved $200 in $1s into a Chippendale dancer’s shorts the last time you were out for a night on the town with the girls.

Tell him that since you want to be closer to him all the time, you’re going to start using ONLY his razor to shave your legs.

Tell him you’ve always wanted to be a man and you finally have enough money saved up for the operation. Double points if you say this in front of his parents.

Tell him his brother is a much better lover.

Tie him to the bed, put on your sexiest lingerie and do a strip tease for him. Then have a long heart-to-heart talk with him.

Take the remote control apart and damage the circuit board inside. Put it back together and smile innocently while he goes nuts.

Buy one ticket to his favorite, sold out sporting event. Tell him, “It was the last one, but to avoid any hard feelings, I’ll tear it up so we don’t have to decide who goes.” Then burn it.

While he’s asleep, super glue his willie to his stomach. Tell him, “I was worried it would fall off and you’d lose it.”

Burn his favorite meal, three times in a row. Make a salad in its place.

Give him all kinds of fabulous promises about the best blow job he’s ever had. Just before starting say, “Dammit. Chipped a tooth. Oh well, it won’t matter.”

Tie him to the bed and then paint his toenails a bright red.
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Pick Up Line Responses
These are suggestions for women responding to pick up lines:

Pick Up Line: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put I and U together
Female Response: Oh really, because if I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put F and U together

Pick Up Line: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Female Response: Did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell???

Pick Up Line: Where have you been all my life
Female Response: Hiding from you….how the hell did you find me?

Pick Up Line: I would die for you…
Female Response: Prove it!

Pick Up Line: I’m all you’ve got good lookin’
Female Response: Then I must not have a lot

Pick Up Line: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Female Response: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore

Pick Up Line: So what do you do for a living?
Female Response: I’m a female impersonator

Pick Up Line: Is this seat empty?
Female Response: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down

Pick Up Line: So, wanna go back to my place?
Female Response: Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Pick Up Line: I’d like to call you. What’s your number?
Female Response: It’s in the phone book

Pick Up Line: But I don’t know your name.
Female Response: That’s in the phone book too

Pick Up Line: What’s your sign?
Female Response: No Parking!

Pick Up Line: I know how to please a woman
Female Response: Then please leave me alone

Pick Up Line: “Your place or mine?”
Female Response: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Pick Up Line: “I’d really like to get into your pants.”
Female Response: “No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there.”

Man: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Female Response: “Je voudrais bien, mais je n’ai rien a porter.”
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)

Pick Up Line: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Female Response: “Do Not Enter” (or) “Stop”

Pick Up Line: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Female Response: “Unfertilized!”

Pick Up Line: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason.”
Female Response: “Yeah!!! Let’s pick up some chicks!”

Pick Up Line: “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”
Female Response: “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?”

Pick Up Line: “I can tell that you want me.”
Female Response: “Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you to leave.”

Pick Up Line: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy:
Female Response: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”

Pick Up Line: “Hey cutie, how ’bout you and I hitting the hot spots?”
Female Response: “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”

Pick Up Line: “May I see you pretty soon?”
Female Response: “Why? Don’t you think I’m pretty now?”

Pick Up Line: “Your body is like a temple.”
Female Response: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

Pick Up Line: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Female Response: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account.”

Pick Up Line: “I would go to the end of the world for you.”
Female Response: “Yes, but would you stay there?”

Pick Up Line: Haven’t we met before?
Female Response: Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic
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(Women In Charge Of Everything)WICOE Is proud to announce the opening of its EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN! OPEN TO MEN ONLY ALL ARE WELCOMENote: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participantsThe course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:


Step by step guide with slide presentation

Roundtable discussion

Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

Debate among a panel of experts.

Losing the remote control – Help line and support groups

Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum


Group discussion and role play

PowerPoint presentation

Real life testimonial from the one man who did

Driving simulation

Online class and role playing

Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

Bring your calendar or PDA to class

Individual counselors available
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We always hear “The Rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note these are all numbered “1″ ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months IS a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1, Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
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How To Be Politically Correct When Talking About Men
He does not have a beer gut…
He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys)He is not quiet…
He is a Conversational Minimalist.He is not stupid…
He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development.

He does not get lost all the time…
He discovers Alternative Destinations.

He is not balding…
He is in Follicle Regression.

He is not a cradle robber…
He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not get falling-down drunk…
He becomes Accidentally Horizontal.

He is not short…
He is Anatomically Compact.

He does not have a rich daddy…
He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion.

He does not constantly talk about cars…
He has a Vehicular Addiction.

He does not have a hot body…
He is Physically Combustible.

He is not unsophisticated…
He is Socially Challenged.

He does not eat like a pig…
He suffers from Reverse Bulimia.

He is not a bad dancer…
He is Overly Caucasian.

He does not hog the blankets…
He is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is not a male chauvinist pig…
He has Swine Empathy.

He is not afraid of commitment…
He is Monogamously Challenged.
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What Guys Really Mean...
‘I’m going fishing.’
Really means… ‘I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.’

‘It’s a guy thing.’
Really means…. ‘There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.’

‘Can I help with dinner?’
Really means… ‘Why isn’t it already on the table?’

‘Uh huh,’ ‘Sure, honey,’ or ‘Yes, dear.’
Really means… Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

‘It would take too long to explain.’
Really means… ‘I have no idea how it works.’

‘I’m getting more exercise lately.’
Really means… ‘The batteries in the remote are dead.’

‘We’re going to be late.’
Really means… ‘Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.’

‘Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.’
Really means….’I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.’

‘That’s interesting, dear.’
Really means… ‘Are you still talking?’

‘Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.’
Really means… ‘I forgot our anniversary again.’

‘You expect too much of me.’
Really means… ‘You want me to stay awake?’

‘That’s women’s work.’
Really means… ‘It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.’
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7 Mistakes Women Make with Men
…And How to Save Your Relationship

Do you sometimes feel like you’re speaking English and he’s talking Martian? Chances are it’s more than bad communication. In this Lifescript exclusive, relationship guru Alison Armstrong reveals the 7 common mistakes women make with men, and how to relate to guys on their wavelength. Plus, find out if you’re in a healthy relationship…

Does this sound familiar? Your significant other hears criticism when you’re actually teasing him affectionately. Or he doesn’t ask about your job, and you’re hurt by his lack of interest. Are you a dysfunctional couple with bad communication skills?

No – just different genders.

“Women look at men and see a hairy, misbehaving woman,” says Alison Armstrong, author of Making Sense of Men: A Woman’s Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men (Pax Programs). “Her response is to train him, punish him or keep a distance from him.”

Women are “frog farmers”: They unwittingly turn princes – good guys – into “frogs” by trying to change them, says Armstrong, who has spent decades studying men and how women relate to them.

Her conclusion: You can’t change men, and once women accept their fundamental nature, their relationships can improve.

“We don’t need to disempower men; we have enough power of our own,” Armstrong says. “That’s what’s really cool. Men love strong, competent women. It’s the ‘What-do-I-need-you-for?’ attitude women often cop – that keeps men at a distance.”

Shrinking the distance is the core of Armstrong’s successful “Understanding Men” series of national seminars ( The workshops demystify the opposite sex and help women view men as partners, not adversaries.

“The course was a total light-bulb moment for me,” says Cathi Yates, 51, of Athens, Ala., who attended Armstrong’s Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshop. “My attitude and awareness about men has changed, and the way men respond to me has changed.”

Here are 7 common mistakes women make with men, according to Armstrong:

Mistake #1: Seeing men as misbehaving women.
Women take everything personally, Armstrong says. When a man doesn’t do what we want, we think he doesn’t love us, care about us or respect us.

“Otherwise he wouldn’t be misbehaving.”

But men are more forgiving than women. “They allow for mystery with women and find it fascinating.”

Want more man decoding tips? Check out 6 Things You Don’t Know About Your Guy.

Mistake #2: Reading into his words.
Take men literally. If he says he’s busy Saturday night, it means he’s busy Saturday night, Armstrong says.

“It doesn’t mean he’s tired of you, bored of you or wants to break up with you.”

Mistake #3: Expecting his time to be yours.
When he becomes your boyfriend, you expect him to sync up with your daily planner.

The problem?

“He doesn’t see it that way. Men have whole lives. They don’t consider they owe you all their time,” married or not, she says.

Men owe you their best effort to make you happy, and to love and respect you, Armstrong says. But expecting him to cater to you makes you appear “domineering, bitchy, disrespectful and disempowering.”

Mistake #4: Interrupting when he’s speaking.
You’ve asked your man an important question. He starts to answer and you butt in.

“That’s how women mistakenly end up thinking men are shallow,” Armstrong says.

When interrupted, a man will just stop talking.

Instead, listen to what he says. When he’s finished, listen some more. That’s when the best nuggets often emerge.

Mistake #5: Thinking a man can multitask.
Women are biologically designed to multitask, says Armstrong.

“We watch TV and knit a sweater; we drive and plan our day; we’re on the phone while checking email.”

Men don’t. Why? Because they’re hunters, Armstrong explains. They have to be single-focused to keep their eye on the target.

Mistake #6: Believing a man is ignoring you.
You’ve probably accused your guy of ignoring you while he’s driving or watching TV. He really isn’t. He just can’t do two things at once.

If he’s watching TV or dressing, “He’s just watching TV, just getting dressed,” Armstrong says. “We think he’s doing something and ignoring us because we can do that.”

No wonder most women feel abandoned!

“We keep our attention on [men], and we feel upset when their attention is not on us,” Armstrong says.

So next time your man’s ”hunter” kicks in – and you’re feeling disconnected – take a deep breath and remember: He’s wired differently; it’s not personal.

Mistake #7: Competing with a man’s mission.
“I’ve trained my daughters not to hit dad up about anything” until we’re on the freeway, Armstrong says. “It’s all about getting the mission on track.”

Same thing goes when a man is immersed in a new business venture and less available.

“All his energy is going into this thing that he’s sure is going to provide for his family,” Armstrong says.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking he’d make more time for you if he cared more. It’s not about you. And forcing him to pay attention “will be excruciating for him,” Armstrong says.

But relationships are not a one-way street. Men need to understand women too.

In her coed workshop Understanding Women: Unlock the Mystery, Armstrong gives men the tools to change their interactions with women.

It’s healing for both sexes.

“Women sit in the course with tears running down their faces when they find out they’re not alone,” Armstrong says.

More than 3,000 women have attended Armstrong’s workshops, including 17-year-old Austen Kingsbury, of Simi Valley, Calif.

“It helped me understand and forgive a past breakup. It helps me communicate better with my father, and it helps me now with my current boyfriend,” Kingsbury says. “Girls and all women would definitely benefit from taking the course.”

Want more? Get the CD and DVD versions of Armstrong’s seminars at

Are You in a Healthy Relationship?
Many people convince themselves that their partner’s unappealing characteristics will change once the relationship becomes serious. But it usually doesn’t work that way. Take this quiz and find out if you’re in a healthy relationship.

Check out Health Bistro for more healthy food for thought. See what Lifescript editors are talking about and get the skinny on latest news. Share it with your friends (it’s free to sign up!), and bookmark it so you don’t miss a single juicy post!
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How Important Is Makeup?
Ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes.
That’s why it’s so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied.
Remember, if it weren’t for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young lady probably wouldn’t get a second look from most guys.

Of course I could be wrong for the first time in my life!!!
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Men's Restroom Mural
Edge Designs is an all-women run company that designs interior office space. They had a recent opportunity to do an office project in NYC.

The client allowed the women of this company a free hand in all design aspects.
The client was a company that was also run by all women execs………….

The result………well…..We all know that men never talk, never look at each other….
And never laugh much in the restroom….
The men’s room is a serious and quiet place…
But now…with the addition of one mural on the wall……let’s just say the men’s
Restroom is a place of laughter and smiles.
(and maybe a little intimidation).
Grin …..
Mens Restroom Mural
And they say women don’t have a sense of humor.
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Reasons Why Pizza Is Better Than Boys
1. Calling for pizza at 2 a.m. is not a ridiculous request.
2. You can’t get in trouble for keeping pizzas in your freezer.
3. Your friends and family already approve of pizza.
4. You can dress up a pizza however you’d like.
5. Pizza will respect your decision to stay single and keep you company with no expectations of romantic involvement.
6. Every pizza can pull off being “cheesy.”
7. Pizza can be at your door in 30 minutes or less.
8. A surprise visit from pizza is always welcome.
9. You don’t mind claiming leftover pizza.
10. Pizza will always be there for you in your time of need.
11. You never have to settle with pizza — you can order exactly what you want, when you want it.
12. Even when pizza’s not hot, it’s desirable.
13. A date with pizza is never awkward.
14. Pizza knows how to be sweet in a subtle way.
15. You will not regret mixing pizza and alcohol.
16. With pizza, the only baby you need to worry about is a food baby.
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Eve's Chat With God
“Lord, I have a problem.”

“What is it, Eve?”

“I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“And why is that Eve?”

“Lord, I’m lonely, and I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“Man? What is that Lord?”

“A flawed creature with many bad traits. He’ll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time, but he’ll be bigger and faster and will love to hunt, fish and bring you good things to eat. I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like playing cards and knocking a ball around. He won’t be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly.”

“Sounds great,” says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows,” but what’s the catch?”

“Well, you can have him on one condition.”

“And what’s that Lord?”

“Well, since he’ll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, you’ll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret… you know, woman to woman.”
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