Friday Fun Stuff – 1-20-12

Stupid Game Show Answers Clips


1 ½ & 1

The Best Of Photo Booth Prank

Asking Her Father

“Sir, your daughter says she loves me, and she can’t live without me, and she wants to marry me.”
“And you’re asking my permission to marry her?”
“No, I’m asking you to make her leave me alone!!”

Funny Song Titles

01. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.

02. There Ain’t Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin’ for You.

03. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye

04. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

05. I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

06. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now

07. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In Bed

08. Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me with a Spade

09. If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?

10. Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)

11. It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long

12. I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

13. She Got The Gold Mine and I Got The Shaft

14. I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win

15. They May Put Me In Prison But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breaking Out

16. Jesus Drop Kick Me Through The Goalposts Of Life

17. I Just Fell In Something and I Sure Hope It’s Love

18. I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here

19. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You

20. C’mon Down off the Stove, Granny, You’re Too Old to Ride the Range

Equal Is Not The Same

“Equal” is not always synonymous with “the same.”
Men and women are created equal, but boys and girls are not born the same.

1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose.
You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose.

2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she’ll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he’ll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you are driving there.

3. Boys’ rooms are always messy.
Girls’ rooms are usually messy, except it’s a good smelling mess.

4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. Then she will hit a boy with it. A baby boy will pick up a stick and start drumming.

5. Boys couldn’t care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public.

6. If girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed.
If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches.

7. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age.
At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

8. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make sounds like a truck.

9. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the TV during a movie they have already seen.

10. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.

Religion Vs. Religion

I love not being politically correct……

A Catholic nun was sitting on a train opposite a Muslim man who was wearing a turban eating fresh shrimp.

Every time he ate one he spat the tail in her direction, requiring her to deflect it.

Eventually she had enough and pulled the Emergency Cord.

The Muslim looked at her and said, “You’ll get fined $250 for doing that, you stupid Catholic bitch.”

She laughed and said, “When I cry ‘rape’ and they smell your fingers, you’ll get 10 years, you towel-headed Camel-fucker.”

Rules To Remember

1. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Shakespeare, Updated:

“Of course, ‘Romeo and Gertrude’ is just a working title. I might be persuaded to change it for you, M’Lady.”

“Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?”

“If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty unknown but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?”

“Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?”

“My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent.”

“Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I’d spend the evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean.”

“Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?”

“Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I’m merely happy to cast eyes upon thy beauty!”

“Wouldst thou away to yon Motel 6 with me?”

“Do me, or not do me. THAT is the question.”

That Awkward Moment

That awkward moment when you don’t know a person is a guy or a girl.

That awkward moment when your at a red light and you glance over at the people beside you and there already looking at you.

That awkward moment when someone random says “You two look good together” and the other person is your ex.

That awkward moment when you hang something up and it falls down… then you just stare at it.

That Awkward moment when your walking and you randomly trip over nothing then everyone stares at you and you just keep walking.

That horrible feeling when you walk into a spider web, freak out, and realize people you don’t know saw the whole thing

That awkward moment when someone yells at you for clicking your pen so you stop, but then realize that you have to click it once more so that you can use it.

That awkward moment when you see a 3rd grader with a better phone than you.

That moment when your looking for something. Then realize its in your hand and you’ve been holding it the whole time.

That awkward moment when you flip a driver off & the light turns red so you have to sit next to him for the next minute

That awkward moment when everyone else has stopped laughing, and you’re the only one who still thinks that it’s hilarious.

That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word. And it ruins the seriousness.

That moment when you’re arguing about something, and mid argument you realize you’re wrong but you keep arguing because you don’t want to seem stupid.

That awkward moment when the three members of a love triangle are in the same room.


I know I’m not going to understand women. I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

What Advice Would You Give

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I’ve never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the s@x, nudity, foul language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can’t trust. He cheats so much, I’m not even sure the baby I’m carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It’s getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby,
I’ve suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in s@x to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in s@x and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

There’s Always A Smart Way To Solve A Problem

How Kemal Ataturk Solved The Burqua and Hijab Problem in Turkey

This is brilliant in its simplicity. All western nations should introduce this in their laws where prostitution is legal. That should solve the hijab and burqa problem once and for all.

For those struggling to ban women from wearing Burqua in their countries, Mustafa Kamal, who has a nick name of “Attaturk” who is the founder of modern Turkey resolved the problem in a very wise way. He issued the following decree;
“With immediate effect, All Turkish women are privileged to wear whatever they choose, however, all prostitutes must wear a Burqua!!!

The very next day, no women in Turkey were seen with a Burqua.

Who Ever Heard Of Putting Jalapeno’s And Chile Peppers On A Pizza…Moron!!!
Two Points!
I Always Wondered What Part Of The Chicken Those Things Came From
Don’t You Wish You Could Use This Defense?
So Yours Was The Golden Retriever, Right?
Who’s Idea Was This?
Clark Kent I Told You To Stop Kicking Things!
Both Are Literal Truth
So If One Endangered Birds Kills Another, Do You Kill The First One?
My Parents Weren’t Modern

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