|Sexpert Tristan Taormino Will Now Answer Your Sex Questions
Tristan Taormino is a sex educator, author, porn director, all-around smart lady, and founder of the (adult, NSFW!) site PuckerUp.com. Today she answers your queries about making your own porn, and much more. I want to make asex tape for the internet, but I want it to be hot and not cheesy or low-quality like so many of the ones out there. Any tips on making a really great video?
— Aspiring Star
Dear Aspiring Star,
My boyfriend of four years and I want to open our relationship, but we’re scared of what might happen. What do we need to do to make sure our love stays strong while we do other people?
Dear Cautious Adventurer,
I love my parents, but they don’t accept that I’m bisexual. They think I’m really straight and eventually I’m going to settle down with a dude. How do I make them understand that I’m just as likely to settle down with a woman?
My biggest fantasy is to try pegging with my boyfriend, but he thinks it’ll be emasculating. How can I let him know he’s still a man, even if I sometimes do him with a strap-on?
Dear Not a Dick,
Are expensive sex toys worth it? Why spend $100 on a vibrator when I can get one for $20?
Dear Thrifty and Horny,
|Is Sex Work Or Play?
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin, because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.After consulting the bible, the priest says: “My son, after a long search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.”The man thinks “What does a priest know about a sex?” So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter.
He asks the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority, a man of thousands of years of tradition and knowledge. In other words he goes to a rabbi.
The Rabbi thinks about the question for a long time and then says: “My son, sex is definitely play.”
The man replies, “Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?”
The Rabbi softly speaks, “If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.”
17 Lies We Need to Stop Teaching Girls About Sex
Whether it’s the constant fretting over Miley Cyrus’ influence on school girls or the growing (and troubling) tradition of Purity Balls, it’s clear that society has a fascination with young women’s sexuality — especially when it comes to controlling it. But what are we actually teaching today’s girls about sex?
Fueled by outdated ideals of gender roles and the sense that female sexuality is somehow shameful, there seem to be certain pernicious myths about girls and sex that just won’t die. That sex education in America has gaping holes in its curriculum hasn’t helped much, either; in a recent Centers for Disease Control (CDC) report just 6 out of 10 girls said that their schools’ sex ed program included information on how to say no to sex. This lack of personal agency was reflected in a forthcoming study by sociologist Heather Hlavka at Marquette University as well, which found that many young girls think of sex simply as something that is “done to them.”
Knowledge is power, and we can promote a healthier relationship with sex by encouraging a more open dialogue, teaching girls to feel comfortable with their sexuality and, most importantly, emphasizing that their bodies are theirs and theirs alone. But first, we’re going to need to stop perpetuating the following 17 myths about female sexuality.
1. Virginity exists.
The cultural obsession with virginity is more about keeping girls pure than anything else, and because the term begins to crumble upon close inspection, it doesn’t have to carry such weight. There’s no clear universal concept of virginity, and people should be able to define meaningful markers of intimacy for themselves.
2. Hymens are a sign of virginity.
Despite the fact that more than half of women don’t bleed the first time they have penetrative sex, blood on the sheets has remained a signifier of losing one’s virginity throughout history. The persistence of this myth surrounding a basically irrelevant anatomical feature has even spawned a market for artificial hymens and reconstructive surgery to “restore” virginity. More disturbingly, girls around the world are often subject to degrading, invasive virginity “tests” to ensure their purity.
3. All women are born with vaginas.
4. The first time is going to hurt — a lot.
5. If someone buys you something, you owe him or her sex.
6. Too much sex will stretch you out.
Similarly, having a baby will not “ruin” your vagina. Many women report feeling different down there after childbirth (the post-baby healing process depends on a variety of factors like age, the size of the baby and your commitment to Kegels), but we should really be teaching girls to accept their differences as normal and natural — not as new-found flaws.
7. Women don’t think about sex very much.
So why does this myth of the undersexed female persist? It certainly doesn’t help that women often are taught that thinking about sex is boyish or juvenile. Entertainment media also frequently likes to portray women as the more responsible party in a relationship (think: nagging wife, childish husband).
The flip side of this thinking is the idea that “real” men should always have a voracious sexual appetite. But the saying “men think about sex every seven seconds” is just not true. Society’s focus on young men’s libido has created a sort of caricature of male sexuality, one that treats an occasional lack of desire or displays of emotion as not being masculine enough. And that’s not fair to them, either.
8. Women don’t like casual sex.
Much of this desire appears to be socially conditioned, anyway: Gendered differences in desire have been shown to diminish over time with more progressive generations, in countries with more equitable distributions of power and when the perceived stigma of being slut-shamed is controlled for in female subjects.
Moral of the story? It’s a personal preference, and blanket generalizations aren’t helping anyone.
9. Boys buy the condoms.
10. “Frigid” wives make cheating husbands.
11. You have to wax.
It’s working, too: Hair removal is a $2.1 billion industry in the U.S., and over the course of a lifetime the average woman will spend an estimated $10,000 on shaving products. You should do what works for you, whether or not that means buying in.
12. You can’t have sex on your period.
13. Sex is supposed to hurt sometimes.
For some women, however, foreplay isn’t the issue at all. Conditions like vaginismus and vulvodynia are very real, albeit unfortunately not very well known. The result is that many women suffering from these conditions don’t realize that there is help available. If sex hurts, it’s worth finding a specialist who can talk you through your options.
14. Once you start having sex, you’re not allowed to say “stop.”
15. Women don’t watch porn.
This doesn’t mean that many women don’t enjoy porn, nor that there’s not a market for more female-friendly fare. Researchers have shown that men and women respond comparably to sexually explicit material, and that the increase in women’s brainwave activity when looking at erotic images is just as strong as the increase in men’s.
16. Sexual harassment is normal.
17. Everybody’s doing it.
|10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Sex
1. Genetics Can Affect When a Person Will Lose His or Her Virginity
Obviously, each person makes the individual decision of when to have sex for the first time, but recent studies show that your genetics can play a role in how early you make the decision. In fact, a study of twins who were separated at birth shows that there is a strong genetic link in the age a person chooses to lose his or her virginity.
“It’s not like there’s a gene for having sex at a certain date,” says Nancy Segal, a psychologist at California State University in Fullerton, who led the new study. But inheritable traits such as impulsiveness do affect the decision, although social mores play a major role as well. In fact, there was less of a consistent genetic effect in twins born before 1948 than those born after 1960.
2. The Clitoris is Mostly an Internal Organ
So why does everyone think of the clitoris as only the little bump on the outside? Well, for one thing, it’s role as the visible part certainly makes it the most noticeable, but more so, researchers didn’t start to learn about the amazing expanses of the organ until they were able to view it through an MRI machine, something they couldn’t do until the 90′s. It wasn’t until 2009 that the world was introduced to a complete 3D sonogram image of the organ.
Of course, the little bump we’re all familiar with is pretty darn important. In fact, it has over 8,000 nerve fibers –more than twice the number found in the head of a penis.
3. Sperm is Surprisingly Nutritious
4. Sex Can Help You Stay Healthy
5. Having Sex Can Make Women Look More Attractive
6. If You Are Sexually Active, You’ll Probably Get an STD
While the numbers sound scary, the upside is that most people who contract an STD won’t suffer any negative effects as a result.
7. Birth Control Affects Women’s Taste in Men
Researchers believe this is because the pill affects the chemistry of a woman’s brain, making them more interested in obtaining a long-term relationship than finding someone they would be more sexually compatible with
8. Diet Can Affect the Flavor of Semen
9. Female Sexuality is Still Largely a Mystery
Proponents of the G-Spot argue that the vagina does have an erogenous zone that swells up when excited and that this area provides an additional lubricant when it is sexually aroused. They also show that ultrasound studies show changes to the area during sex.
The debate on female ejaculation is often tied in with the G-Spot argument as proponents argue that ejaculation is tied in with stimulation of the G-Spot. While it is widely accepted that some women have been known to gush fluid during orgasm, the debate largely centers around what the fluid is actually made of. Many critics claim the fluid is simply urine. Some proponents argue that it is a separate substance, while others debate that it is urine; but urine is filled with a unique selection of chemicals, making it qualify as a sexually-induced ejaculation regardless of the connection with the bladder.
10. Women’s Sex Organs Are Now Being Studied More Often
Another reason has to do with the times. You’ll notice that the majority of the research on these aspects of female sex organs has been performed only within the last twenty years. In that time, two major changes have occurred –there are now far more women doctors and scientists than ever before, and technology has only now been afforded certain views of the human body. Naturally, females display more interest in what makes the female body go gaga, and without devices like the MRI, many discoveries, like that of the internal clitoris, would have been impossible to find.
Thanks to these changes, it’s pretty likely that the understanding of female sexuality will increase drastically in the next few decades.
|Strip Club Etiquette: Learn the Ropes
You might think that just because you are entering a strip club that you can act the way you want. Sure, it is a place where the rules are a little more relaxed, but that does not mean that you can behave inappropriately or act outrageous. Here are some dos and don’ts when it comes to the world of strip clubs.Do: Dress Appropriately
Sure, some venues let guests walk in with T-shirts and cutoff shorts. But if you are going with friends for a night on the town, then you want to wear something that is both comfortable and that you can sit down in. You will be taking in the sights, so you want to do so comfortably. Plus, you do not want to stick out in this crowd. People are here to see the strippers, not you, so try not to draw too much attention to yourself – either by the way that you dress or by the way that you act.Don’t: Be Loud and Obnoxious
There is one in every crowd, but do your best to avoid being that guy or girl. Even if you feel like you have had a bit too much to drink, rein it in as much as possible. You might think of it as a strip club, but it is a business – and it is a business that relies on repeat business from its clientele. Act professionally (considering the circumstances), and you will be asked to return again.Do: Be Nice to the Bouncer
There is almost always someone at the door who either is taking cover charges or working to ensure that there are no brawls or unsightly guests making their way inside. Be nice to this person. He could be your ticket to better seats and better experiences. You might even want to consider tipping him so that you have an ally. Chances are that he can get you some pretty cool perks if you make nice with him.
Don’t: Assume Anything
Do: Ask What Everything Costs
Don’t: Get Too Drunk
Do: Get a Designated Driver
Don’t: Try Any Funny Stuff with the Girls
Do: Get to Know the Club’s DJ
The days of dollar bills are being replaced by 10s and 20s. These women work hard for your enjoyment, so the least you can do is reward them for it.
|8 Weird Stories of Sex, Marital Aids, & the Naked Body
The naked body is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. The emotional response to human lust is very strong and this has helped pornography grow into one of the largest industries in the world. In the last fifteen years, the Internet has exploded with hundreds of thousands of porn sites. The Internet has also helped expand the operations of many prostitution rings and illegal sex organizations. Several sexual phrases routinely rank very high in Google’s search statistics. This indicates that people like to view and learn about sex, pr0n, and the naked body, especially the female naked body. For your consideration, a mere handful of the weird events and facts about some of the most taboo activities.1. Masturbate-A-Thon
The Masturbate-a-thon is a scheduled event in which participants masturbate in order to raise money for a specific charity. The events are intended to increase public awareness and dispose of the shame and taboos that surround certain sexual activities. The first Masturbate-a-thon was held in 1999 and since that time, various events have raised over $25,000 for women’s health organizations and HIV prevention programs. During the events, pamphlets are disturbed and speakers provide information about safe sex and alternative methods of sexual expression.
At the end of every Masturbate-a-thon, awards are given out to participants who raise the most money, as well as for multiple climaxs and endurance. In 2006, Europe’s First Sponsored Masturbate-a-thon took place in London. The event was also known as the Wank-a-thon, and was filmed as part of an international documentary. It was estimated that over 150 people participated in the event, with roughly two-thirds of them being men. The list of sexual instruments used at a Masturbate-a-thon is extensive. Some examples include anal beads, artificial vaginas, dildos, vibrators, sybians, sex dolls, something called “Ben Wa balls”, and the love pillow.
Current Masturbate-a-thon Records:
The current record holder of “Longest Distance Come to Come” is Morihiro Taneichi from Tokyo. At a 2009 Masturbate-a-thon in Denmark, a World Record was set when 222 female climax’s were recorded by the group of woman participating. An individual also stepped up at this event and set a World Record for Climax Distance/Female, which is 3.15 meters. A man was able to come within 6 centimeters of the target bull’s-eye, while the female winner was all over the bull’s-eye.
2. Female Hysteria
During the 2nd century, “sexual deprivation in passionate women” was the most reported cause of hysteria. For this reason, pelvic massages were performed on many virgins, nuns, widows and occasionally, married women. However, this medical procedure was not only performed in ancient history. The diagnosis of female hysteria really exploded in the middle of the 19th century. A reputable physician in 1859 claimed that a quarter of all women suffered from hysteria. A catalog was developed with 75 pages of possible symptoms of the disease. Curiously, almost any ailment could fit the diagnosis. Female hysteria was diagnosed all over the world. In the 1850s, one report from an American doctor indicated that he was happy that the country was catching up to Europe in diagnosing the prevalence of hysteria. The cases of hysteria ended up being quite profitable for physicians, since the patients were not at risk of death, but needed constant pelvic massage treatment.
During the middle of the 19th century, the technique was difficult for a physician to master and could take hours to achieve the ultimate climax. Some literature on the issue mentions displeasure on the part of the physicians. This problem was short lived because in the late 1860s the doctors were given massage devices, which shortened treatment from hours to minutes. The first female vibrators were invented to help physicians perform pelvic massaging treatments on patients. By 1870, a clockwork-driven vibrator was available for doctors. In 1873, the first electromechanical vibrator was used at an asylum in France for the treatment of hysteria.
As you would expect, medical authorities were unwilling to admit the sexual purposes of the devices being used during the pelvic message sessions. By the 20th century, the spread of home electricity brought the vibrator to the consumer market. It appealed to hysteria suffers as a cheaper treatment, and could be used in the privacy of one’s own home. However, doctors still recommended that you receive hands on medical treatment for hysteria. The vibrator was a popular early home appliance. In fact, the electric home vibrator was on the market before many other home appliances, including nine years before the electric vacuum cleaner and ten years before the electric iron. A 1918 Sears catalog of home electrical appliances includes a portable vibrator with attachments. It was billed as: ”Very useful and satisfactory for home service.” Over the course of the early 20th century, the number of diagnoses of female hysteria sharply declined, and today it is no longer recognized as an illness.
McCreight encouraged her blog’s readers to help her poke fun at Seddiqi by dressing in your most immodest clothing to represent Boobquake. She went on to sarcastically imply that if enough people would get together in tight outfits with plenty of cleavage, then they could start an earthquake. The story was soon picked up by prominent news outlets, including repeated inquiries from the BBC. Two official meetings were planned for Boobquake, one in West Lafayette, Indiana, and the other in Washington, D.C. On April 26, 2010, 200,000 people showed up for Boobquake. The chaotic scene included many protests from Iranian citizens, as well as people criticizing the women who were showing off their bodies.
This apparently did not matter, as over 100,000 women opened their shirts and showed off their bodies. The small amount of clothing seen at the events included push-up bras, unbuttoned shirts, short dresses, as well as sexy costumes. There was also no shortage of male spectators at Boobquake. Many female participants decided to go topless, especially in New York and Vancouver gatherings. That morning, at 10:59 am, a 6.5-magnitude earthquake struck 195 miles off the coast of Taitung, Taiwan. Jennifer McCreight described the earthquake as not being statically significant. She performed tests and determined at a 95% confidence interval that 0 to 148 earthquakes occur daily. During the course of the Boobquake event, 47 earthquakes were reported.
4. The Internet & Pornography
The top four free Internet porn sites in the world are XVideos, RedTube, PornHub, and YouPorn. YouPorn is currently the 63rd most popular website in the world. The highest paid porn stars in the world include Jenna Jamison, who is currently retired from the industry, but in her prime was making $30 million a year. Tera Patrick had a huge 2008 and 2009, earning $30 million annually. Former porn star Maria Takagi made $2.6 million in her best porn years. However, Takagi’s last sex video was released in 2004. In her prime, porn star Houston grossed over $1 million per year. Houston became famous in 1999 when she performed in the film The World’s Biggest Gangbang 3. In the movie she had sex with over 620 men without interruption. In 2007, porn actress Hilary Scott signed a four year $1 million dollar contract with SexZ Pictures. A typical pornographic DVD sells around 3,000 copies in its first month, while Jenna Jamison pictures averaged 50,000 copies sold.
In regards to gender, 72% of visitors to adult websites are men. A recent study suggested that 20% of all men access porn at work, while 13% of women view porn while at work. 10% of these males suggested that they were struggling with a porn addiction, while 17% of the females commented on having an uncontrollable impulse to watch Internet pr0n. In recent years, many international governments have begun censoring Internet activity. There are several countries in the world where Internet porn is banned, including China, India, Iraq, Cuba, Malaysia, Indonesia, United Arab Emirates, Singapore, Kenya, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt. However, new developments in hand held technologies has allowed people in these areas of the world to access Internet pr0n.
5. Donkey Punch
The goal is to cause the receiving partner’s sphincter to tense up, thus increasing the pleasure for the penetrator. Similar to some other sexual fetishes and acts, donkey punching is dangerous. The type of punch used during the act is known as a rabbit punch, named after a technique of killing rabbits. A rabbit punch is a blow to the neck or to the base of the skull. This type of a punch is considered especially dangerous because it can damage a person’s vertebrae and subsequently the spinal cord donkey punch01
The donkey punch is almost exclusively performed during or just before the climax of the penetrating partner. The act has been studied by professional scientists, who agree that it doesn’t work, as there is no reflex in the human body that causes the tightening of the anal sphincter after receiving trauma to the back of the head. The donkey punch was thought to be an urban legend, until 2004 when porn star Gia Paloma became the first known recipient of a donkey punch in a pornographic film. Alex Sanders punched her in the back of the head during the film Guttermouths 30.
In 2005, a pornographic film was released titled Donkey Punch. The star of the film, Alex Devine, reported that the donkey punch scene was the “most brutal, depressing, scary scene that I have ever done.” Devine agreed to be hit during the scene, but she later claimed to have misunderstood exactly how physical the abuse would be. The term “donkey punch” was also used to describe one of the many illegal trading campaigns performed by the former American energy company Enron.
6. Ilona Staller
In 1987, Staller appeared in a U.S. marketed pr0no with John Holmes. The film would become highly criticized when it was revealed that John Holmes tested positive for HIV prior to filming. Holmes would die within a year of shooting sex scenes with Ilona Staller. During the late 1980s, Staller gained a large following in Italy and in 1987 was elected to the Italian parliament with 20,000 votes. Staller continued to make hardcore pornographic films while in office and became famous for giving political speeches with one breast exposed to the public.
Before the outset of the Gulf War, Staller offered to have sex with Saddam Hussein if he would release his foreign hostages. She was not re-elected for another term in 1991, but remains the only active pornstar to serve in the Italian parliament. Staller was among the founders of the political movement Partito dell’Amore (the Love Party) which preaches absolute sexual freedom and love for all. She renewed her offer to have sex with Saddam Hussein in October 2002, when Iraq was resisting pressure to allow nuclear weapon inspections. In April of 2006, she made the same offer to Osama bin Laden.
7. Fuck For Forest
For this reason, the FFF moved their organization headquarters to Berlin, Germany. During their first year of operation, the FFF was able to raise more than $100,000 towards forest protection, with the majority of the money coming from donations and paid memberships. Currently, the FFF is working towards helping indigenous communities in Costa Rica and the Brazilian Amazon Rainforest. The practices of the FFF are considered unusual and highly sexual. Their slogan is, “By showing the beauty of natural love, nudity and sex, we wish to direct attention to and collect money for the Earth’s threatened nature.”
8. Prostitution and The World Cup
In the Netherlands prostitution is legal, although it is regulated. A 2003 study estimated that one out of every 35 women in Amsterdam is working as a prostitute. In Germany, prostitution and brothels are legal. This caused a problem for local officials at the 2006 World Cup, which was held in Germany. Prostitution has been illegal in South Africa since the 1950s. However, organized prostitution rings have been running for decades. On June 11, 2010, the World Cup is scheduled to begin in South Africa. It is the first time that a World Cup will be hosted by an African nation.
The event is bringing an estimated 500,000 people to South Africa, including thousands of sex workers. A recent article published on the NY Daily News website suggests that around 40,000 sex workers are traveling to South Africa for the 2010 World Cup. This has caused officials in many nations to release warnings, reminding travelers that 16% of the South African population is believed to be living with HIV. When you start talking about street walkers, the percentage of people with AIDS greatly increases. Many teenagers do not understand these threats and could be in danger of making a poor decision and contacting HIV. The South African government discussed legalizing and regulating prostitution for The World Cup, but this did not happen.
|5 Things Wrecking Your Sex Life
Is your hot and steamy love life feeling more lukewarm these days? You might think you’re doing everything right, but there are sneaky sensual snafus that could be destroying your sex life. While most of them are easily fixed or avoided, you need to identify where you went (or are going) wrong. These five things could be ruining your sex life, so sit down, read up and get ready to light that fire once again.1. Getting Grossed Out – Let’s face it – the human body doesn’t always produce the sexiest smells, areas of hair or secretions. If you flinch at the hint of a little B.O. down there, an untrimmed bikini line or the thought of bodily fluids touching you anywhere, you could be turning your partner off, or even worse, offending him or her.
There are a few ways you can overcome the “ick” factor – only have intercourse in or right after a shower, turn the lights off to avoid looking at things you don’t like and keep plenty of towels or tissues on hand for liquid mishaps. Remember, sex is messy, so you should work on embracing the fact that you’re going to get sweaty, squished and crumpled, and move on.
2. Being Afraid to Experiment – Instead of laughing in his or her face the next time your partner suggests a sexy cowgirl getup or edible underwear, give it a try. You could find it silly, but it may increase the pleasure your partner experiences and rejecting him or her could kill the mood. Unless it’s something you morally object to or might cause you harm, go for it. Who knows — you might even discover that being “Nurse Betty” is your thing.
3. Not Knowing What You Want – If you don’t know what buttons to push or what gets you in mood, it can be nearly impossible for your partner to do so. If you have a hard time reaching orgasm, spend some time solo exploring yourself and experimenting with toys to learn what works for you. Pay attention during sex and take a mental note of what moves or positions you like best and what you dislike. Plan a lesson for your dude and see if he does his homework.
4. Being Embarrassed – What woman hasn’t almost screamed in horror when looking at her thighs in the mirror, or had an absolute mental breakdown when passing gas in front of someone? When these things happen in the bedroom, it can feel like the end of the world. It’s important to realize that once men turn on their sex-brain, very little can turn it off.
They are so focused on wanting you and getting down to the dirty deed that they’re unlikely to be fazed or even notice that little jiggle under your arm or that you forgot to do laundry and are wearing your granny panties. Sometimes the human body will get the best of you, and your period will start early or you may let out a noise closer to a “moo” than a moan. Laugh it off instead of freaking out, and your man will too. If you’re so focused on what he could notice, you won’t be able to enjoy the task at hand.
5. Falling Into a Boring Routine – Do you have a standing calendar appointment for getting naughty? While it’s important to make time in your schedules for sex, arranging a set day and time for it is one of the quickest ways to squash your sex life. Not only is it boring, but you also may find that you aren’t in the mood at that time or have to “cancel” your appointment and wait a whole week for the opportunity again.
Come home early from work and greet your partner at the door in lingerie or arrange for a sexy night under the stars and camp out in the backyard. Anything out of the ordinary, even if it may seem simple, can pump up the pleasure factor.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for decades or just started seeing someone, these phobias, fears and oversights can begin to cause serious problems for your relationship if not addressed. If you can relate to one or more of these sexual slip-ups, there are things you can do to turn your situation around and get back in the saddle.
Spend time looking at yourself in the mirror or photographs of yourself and focusing on the things you see that you like. The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more you can relax during sex.
Talk to your partner. Most men aren’t mind readers, and if you’re struggling with a sexual issue, he may not notice until you tell him. Be open and honest about what you are feeling, what you want, what you dislike and how you can both work together to improve the situation.
If these issues seriously affect your relationship or marriage in a negative manner and you cannot seem to tackle the problem on your own, consider professional help. Modern sex therapists are a far cry from Dr. Ruth and can work with you discreetly to improve your bedroom bumbles, and, in turn, the health of your relationship.
Not sure where to start? Stumped on new ideas? Visit a sex shop or rent an adult video to get new ideas and supplies for experimenting. Nothing should be off limits.
Don’t worry if you experience a sexual slump. It’s normal for couples to go through different stages of sexual enjoyment and frequency. If you realize you may be committing some of these sexual sins, don’t worry — there is still time to repent. By recognizing that there is a problem, you can be more proactive and tackle it head on.
|Hot Places to Have Sex
There was a time when you and your partner could’ve fried eggs on your bed sheets with all the heat and passion you generated in the bedroom. These days, you’re lucky if you can pencil in a romantic rendezvous between your household chores, work obligations, and the warm glow of your TV.If this about sums it up, don’t feel bad. You are not alone in your relationship rut. Sexually speaking, it’s not unusual for couples to peak, then plateau. But if you’re looking to improve your sex life, the answer may be as simple as finding a few hot new places to have sex. It’s amazing what a simple change of scenery can do to spice up your sex life.Revving Up Your Sex Life After Having Kids
A lot of committed couples experience a slow-down-if not altogether halt-of their sex lives when a baby arrives. This is not uncommon, as babies (and kids) require a lot of work, and childcare can cause significant disruptions in sleeping patterns, not to mention impacting your alone time.
If your sex problems center on childrearing restrictions, such as feeling like you never have time for fun, creative sex, it’s time to think about what you can do to shake things up a bit. Listed below are a few tips on recharging your sexual batteries:
Start making time for sex. Even if you’re tired or the chores seem to be piling up, remember that you probably won’t ever regret the time you devote to being intimate with your mate.
Your sexual slow-down might simply be due to a lack of sexual creativity. To know how to get out of a rut in the bedroom, couples need to scrap their routines and head for new scenery.
If your sex life has slowed down in recent weeks, months, or even years, consider where you and your partner tend to spend the most alone time together. If 99.9% of your sexual acts occur in the bedroom, it’s no wonder that your life sex has waned. Even the hottest sex will tend to cool if it always happens in the same locale.
You may be amazed to find how simply changing the venue, and moving your intimate acts out of the bedroom, can lead to a more playful, invigorated sexual experience. This doesn’t mean you have to transform from an under-the-sheets-with-the-lights-out kind of a gal into a wild dominatrix who has sex in the back of a crowded movie theater. Simply initiating a hot, unexpected make-out session on the living room couch or while you’re making dinner might be enough to get you and your partner excited about having sex.
Setting the Mood
To get things started, you’ll want to set the mood by planning a fun date night or simply setting aside a few hours for some quality alone time for you and your partner. While you may think about planning an elaborate date night, with dinner, flowers and a show, keep in mind that these candle-lit romantic evenings can sometimes feel a bit contrived and may place undo pressure on you and your mate to have a “perfect” night of sex and romance. This can lead to performance anxiety and put the brakes on recharging your sex life.
Your sexcapades shouldn’t always start or end up in the bedroom. Take your creative date to a new level by daring your lover to do it outside of the bedroom. If the couch is predictable, move it to the dining room, kitchen, study, or other spare room. Heck, even a chair instead of the bed is a great way to start thinking about sex in a different way.
Your date night gift could be the power of suggestion. Wanna try it on the rug? How about the kitchen counter? Maybe you can start with a sensual shower for two and end in the living room. The key is to think outside of the bedroom, and look around your home for hot places to have sex.
If sex outside of the bedroom isn’t cutting it to really recharge those batteries, it may be time to think about more creative places to have sex. The idea is to mix it up, reengage each other intimately, and keep sexual appetites peaked. One caveat: you’ll need to be careful and discreet in your out-of-the-house sexual encounters. Be aware that sex in public is typically illegal and depending on Federal, state and local laws, if you get caught in flagrante, you may face a warning, fines, or more serious charges.
With that disclaimer out of the way, it’s time to start thinking about hot places to have sex that are outside of the home.
Hot Places to Have Sex Outside of the Home
An unconventional date night idea could be to suggest to your partner that you both vow to find “the best place to have sex.” Start off in the house, and move on to other venues. Think of this as a sexual field trip and the reward is an intimate bonding experience that will leave you both hot and bothered. Remember that sex isn’t limited to intercourse. You don’t have to “go all the way” to get the most out of these intimate encounters.
Listed below are a few hot places to have sex:
The office – Who doesn’t entertain the thought of a hot romp at the office? Just be sure it’s somewhere without surveillance cameras or a roving security guard. Your best bet is a room with a door that locks (the copy room perhaps?), and tempting as it may be, forget the boss’s office. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it’s that that won’t end well!
With that disclaimer out of the way, it’s time to start thinking about hot places to have sex that are outside of the home.
As hot as it sounds, joining the famed-and infamous-Mile High Club these days is a risky venture. Sky marshals and heightened security have rendered this virtually impossible for most couples. Unless you can charter a jet, you may have to settle for hot places to have sex that are on solid ground. That being said, don’t overlook the appeal of getting intimate on a cruise or any type of boat. The sound and motion of the water can do a lot to get your senses piqued.
Likewise, you’re never too old for a skinny dip. Find a private lake, pool or secluded pond, ditch your clothes and have fun together.
The key to having sex outside of the bedroom is to be creative and have a sense of adventure. And remember that sexual intimacy isn’t limited to intercourse. Anything you do that brings you and your partner closer together while outside of the bedroom is sure to help generate heat between the sheets.
|9 Completely Different Opinions On How Many Sex Partners Women “Should” Have
How many people should a woman sleep with in her lifetime? Many people think they know the exact right answer. 10 – That’s the number picked by the most users of the cheating website SeakingArrangement in a (non-scientific) survey as the ideal for men and women. Nikki Howarth, a party planner, opined on the survey to the Daily Mail: “You want to date a man who is confident and knows what he is doing sexually.” But for women, it’s different: “My advice to any girl is: don’t tell, particularly if your figure is above ten. Most guys will think worse of you.”
5 – When AskMen surveyed male readers on how many sex partners made a woman promiscuous, the most popular answer was 5. But that was the lowest number available — it’s possible that given the choice, guys would’ve gone even lower.
20 – That’s how many men Anna Faris’s character in What’s Your Number? had slept with when she decided she absolutely couldn’t have sex with any more people, and thus had to marry one of her ex-boyfriends. To the credit of society at large, viewers were unimpressed with this premise.
30 – Last year, blogger Naked With Socks On said that “there’s no universal answer” to how many men a woman should sleep with. Then he added, “If a woman is in her mid 20s and already has 30+ partners I’m definitely going to give her the side-eye.”
17 – AskMen columnist Heidi Muller wrote, “No matter what people say, hearing that your girlfriend has bedded 17 men before you and she’s only 23 years old, yeah, that’s kind of a stretch (no pun intended).” It’s possible that older women get a little more wiggle room — later she mentions 20 as the number men consider “horrible.”
5-10 – Ed Housewright wrote on Single Dad House, “What’s the maximum number of sex partners you could accept for a woman you’re serious about? For me, I’d say less than 10. Actually, closer to five.” He doesn’t have a reason, other than that those numbers “reflect my comfort zone with a woman’s sexual history.”
25 – The Frisky conducted a poll on this issue, and respondent Liz said, “More than 30 sexual partners for anyone is too many…actually maybe more than 25.” She’s a fan of gender equality — this number apparently holds for men and women.
100 – Another respondent to the Frisky poll, Megan, was a bit more forgiving: “I think over 100 is really excessive.” Her limit also applied to both men and women.
1 – Of course, many religious conservatives argue that all people should have just one sex partner over the course of their lives: their spouse. Last year, for instance, Glenn T. Stanton wrote at Focus on the Family, “Science is now showing us what our grandmothers and pastors knew all along. Having sex with someone who is not our spouse can have a real, measurable and harmful impact upon later relationships.”
23.89 – According to a very scientific average of all the above numbers (using 7 for that 5-10 range), the absolute perfect number of sexual partners for a woman to have is 23.89. If you haven’t been with that many yet, get to work. And if you’ve already topped that number, we guess it’s too late for you to be perfect!
|40 Things You Should Know About Sex by Age 40
Smart sex advice on everything from kissing to dirty talk to whether size really matters
Does your sex life need a makeover? Here’s your chance to brush up. From sex myths to sexual etiquette to health-boosting bedroom tips, these are the truths about sex every woman should know.
1. He doesn’t care if you’ve shaved2. Wide beats long every time. If you care at all about penis size (and studies show that women are far more into how penises look than how they’re hung), you know that width matters more than length.
3. All the girls are doing it. Masturbating, that is. In a 2004 survey by AARP, nearly half the women between the ages of 45 and 49 said they had taken matters into their own hands in the previous 6 months. And many women have used more than just their hands. In a 2009 survey by the University of Indiana, more than half the respondents had used a vibrator at least once, and nearly one in four had used one in the previous month.
4. He likes the cuddling part, too…and not just because he’s half comatose when you snuggle up after sex. During lovemaking, both men and women release the chemical oxytocin—the so-called “cuddle hormone” that helps new moms bond with their babies. So what does than mean for men? Oxytocin boosts their desire for intimacy, along with their feelings of trust, according to a 2008 study by the University of Zurich. And in this case, what’s good for the gander is good for the goose.
5. You really can tell a guy’s size by his hands. The longer a man’s ring finger, the longer his penis, a study by University of Liverpool shows. Both are determined by the amount of testosterone he was exposed to in the womb. If his ring finger is the same size or smaller than his index finger, he received lower levels of testosterone. If it’s bigger…watch out!
6. It’s worth a try. Variety is the spice of life…and of sex. Whether you do it in a hammock or an airplane; on the kitchen floor or in the shower; dressed in leather or in lace, if it’s new, it’s improved.
7. Porn is hot. The idea that women take longer to get aroused just isn’t true. Show us some skin and we’re off and running. In a 2007 study, women who watched porn got turned on as quickly as men did. Using thermal imaging technology, researchers at McGill University in Montreal found that while watching porn, men became fully aroused in 664.6 seconds (11 minutes), compared to women, who took 743 seconds (12 minutes).
8. Say Ohh instead of Ohm. Craving the calm you get from yoga? Go for an orgasm instead. You feel relaxed after climaxing because you were practically brain-dead while you were doing it. Using scans to measure brain activity, researchers from the Netherlands found that women experience no emotions during orgasm—including fear, anxiety and stress. When you’re in the throes, there’s no worrying about the kids’ report cards, the weekly grocery list or the pile of bills on your desk. But it’s a chicken and egg situation: The only way to reach orgasm is to clear your head of that stuff to begin with.
9. Faking it: pointless. Showing him what you like: brilliant
10. It’s better with your socks on. If your sex life isn’t hot, it may be because you’re cold. Research from the Netherlands shows that couples with cold feet had a harder time reaching orgasm—only 50% made it. When couples put on socks, the jumped to 80%.
11. Honesty: Not always the best policy. So you’ve thought about cheating—maybe even stolen a kiss or snuck out for coffee. Should you confess to make up for it? No way. Coming clean only inflicts pain on your partner and damages his sense of trust. If you want to protect him and keep your relationship going, swallow your guilt and keep your mouth shut.
12. Love is in the air… as long as your man doesn’t shower after his workout. The musky smell of male sweat can be a real turn-on for women. In a 2007 study from the University of California at Berkeley, the scent of a man boosted women’s sexual arousal, mood, heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate.
13. It’s never too late. Even if having sex is something you do only on birthdays and Bastille Day you can always get back on the stick. All you have to do is…have sex. You may have to force yourself at first, but the more you do it, the more you want to do it. Start with once a month, then once a week, and who knows? Maybe you’ll be a once-a-day woman.
14. When it comes to how big, how often, how many times in one night, your friends are lying
15. It’s the next best thing to being there… but not that many forty-something’s know it. According to a 2004 survey by AARP, only 17% of men and 18% of women between the ages of 45 and 49 had phone sex.
16. Nobody does it better than you. You can lie around waiting for your partner to bring you to orgasm, but you’ll get there a lot faster if you take care of it yourself. When women masturbate, they typically climax in less than 4 minutes. When they’re engaged in foreplay and intercourse, it can take 20 minutes. Your best bet for a speedy climax: using a vibrator.
17. Fantasy is fabulous. If your regular sex routine is a little stale, invite Johnny Depp and his pirate hat into bed with you. Losing yourself in a sex fantasy spices up the real thing, and boosts your overall sex drive. Sharing certain fantasies can add even more zip. In a 2004 ABC News poll, more than half of all men and women said they talk about their fantasies to boost their sex lives. The most common fantasies? Unexpected sex, threesomes, and sex at work.
18. If you’re too tired, it’s too bad for him. The best thing about getting older is that you can do—or not do—whatever you want. Say it nicely, and your partner should understand if you’ve got a headache or you want to watch the Desperate Housewives marathon instead of making love. Unless, of course, the marathon—or the headache—is a weekly event.
19. Size matters—to him. A survey of 50,000 heterosexual men and women showed that the vast majority of women (85%) felt satisfied by their man’s size, while nearly half of all men (45%) were unhappy with their package. Let him know he’s all you need.
20. He doesn’t care if you wear flannel to bed
21. Money isn’t everything…but when it comes to sex, it certainly helps. Women who had wealthy husbands or boyfriends reported having more orgasms than those who didn’t, according to a 2009 survey by the University of Newcastle in England.
22. Good kissing is a good sign. Studies show that women tend to assess a relationship by how skilled his smooching is. And they’re more likely to have sex with a man who does it well
23. Ladies first. You’re likely to be eager—if not aching—to give right after you’ve received. So everyone wins if he gets you off first.
24. Intercourse doesn’t cut it. In case you thought you were the only one, you’ll want to know that nearly one-third of women don’t have orgasms during intercourse. That’s because thrusting rarely stimulates the clitoris, our most reliable source for the ultimate pleasure.
25. Less sex means more work. If you’re not having sex, what are you doing with your time? Chances are, you’re working more. Men and women both turn to work to fill the void when they have sex less than once a week, according to a survey of 32,000 people by the University of Gottingen in Germany. Bo-RING.
26. A little cleavage goes a long way. Do you really think you look hot with your shirt buttoned up to your chin? Or a T-shirt shrouding your tankini? Get over yourself already. You may have stretch marks and spider veins everywhere else, but with the right support, your boobs can still hold their own. So let ‘em show, and you’ll feel sexier than you have in a long time.
27. Making the first move…is as much a turn-on for you as it is for him.
28. It’s not you…it’s him. Contrary to popular belief, men aren’t always ready and raring to go—especially middle-aged men. Many go through their own form of menopause as their testosterone levels start to drop. After the age of 40, testosterone levels decline approximately 1 percent per year, with a steep drop between the ages of 45 and 50. So if he takes longer or is less gung-ho, go easy on him…and yourself.
29. He doesn’t care if you can’t quite button your pants
30. His nipples are as much fun as yours. Imagine if your partner never touched your nipples during foreplay or sex. Ignored them entirely. Well, why are you ignoring his? Men’s nipples are as important to them as yours are to you. Slightly more than half of the men surveyed in a 2006 study by the University of Sheffield in England said nipple stimulation caused or enhanced their arousal. But only 17% ever asked for it.
31. Nobody wants to hear about it. Spare your friend, sister, college roommate and, especially, your colleague the details of your sex life. It might have been fun to compare notes in your twenties, but as a grown woman, it’s embarrassing and just plain gross. Put yourself in their shoes—Do you really want them to picture you and your husband doing it on the roof?
32. Smutty is sexy. Dirty talk (aka “Aural Sex”) is a real turn-on for some couples. It can be as clean or raunchy as you both like. Just make sure you know where your partner draws the line between dirty and disgusting.
33. Casual sex isn’t for everyone. Brief casual sexual encounters may sound like a kick, but for many women, they’re not a great experience. In a 2008 study by the University of Durham in England, only 54% of the women who’d had a one-night stand had positive feelings about it. Surprise, surprise: 85% of men thought it was just dandy.
34. Anything goes. What used to be too “kinky” to contemplate is jolly good if you’ve finally shed your inhibitions in your old age. What better time to make a sex tape, strip, try a threesome or whatever you’ve secretly wanted to do? Guaranteed, if it’s exciting to you, it will be orgasmic for your mate.
35. The toes have it. Next time you go down on your mate, go way down. If you haven’t discovered this already, toes are one of the key erogenous zones for both men and women, along with fingers, earlobes and the back of the knees.
36. He doesn’t care if you haven’t showered
37. Romance can last forever…or at least for a long time. New research shows that long-term relationships can keep their sexual chemistry, intensity and engagement going strong. If they’re missing the passion of short-term relationships, that’s probably a good thing, according to a 2009 study by Stony Brook University in California. That means they’re also free of anxiety and insecurity.
38. It’s not you…it’s your hormones. How does pre-menopausal mess up your sex life? Let us count the ways:
Your period lasts forever: you bleed like a stuck pig for seven days, and stain for another three
39. Marrieds do it more. Believe it or not, if you’re married, you’re having more sex than single people. That may not be saying much—the average of times that married people have sex is 69 per year. But that’s nine more than single people do, according to a 2002 study by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. And by now, you’re old enough to know that quality counts more than quantity
40. He thinks you’re hot…just the way you are
|Best Aphrodisiacs to Spice Up Your Sex Life
If you’re planning a romantic evening with your guy and you’re wondering what you should serve, perhaps you should consider including a few passion-boosting ingredients on the menu. Not a fan of shellfish? Oysters aren’t the only food reputed for their aphrodisiac qualities.You don’t need to go halfway around the world or break the law-for instance, by experimenting with ingesting tiger bones-to find the best aphrodisiacs to give your sex life a jolt. You can get a cart-full of carnality right at your local supermarket. Chances are some of the items you have in your home right now have been thought of as aphrodisiacs at some point in history.The idea that certain foods and herbs have the ability to ignite or enhance sexual arousal has appeared in just about every culture. It’s also an idea with a long history. Aphrodisiacs show up in the writings of ancient peoples from Greece to Rome to Babylon.
In modern times, we may dismiss aphrodisiacs as superstition or snake oil, but the connection between sex and certain foods persists. There may even be some science to aphrodisiacs after all. These days, Western medicine is discovering the validity of many ancient health theories.
This relatively recent focus on alternative and holistic medicine has allowed some alleged aphrodisiacs to be studied under the microscope of modern science, sometimes with surprising results.
While some of the traditional aphrodisiacs actually do contain vitamins, minerals, or naturally-occurring chemicals that can benefit the reproductive system, there’s still little proof that they can create sexual desire in any given situation. Still, it’s exciting to know that some everyday foods can indeed have at least some effect on your sexual functioning.
Researching aphrodisiacs can be a fun and informative diversion that just may end up helping your love life after all.
At first glance, the dishes that have been considered aphrodisiacs may seem to have been chosen based on their shape and texture. Foods like oysters and asparagus were thought to resemble and therefore symbolize the female and male genitalia, respectively.
Bananas fall into this category because of their phallic shape, and there are some studies that suggest bananas really can get a man’s motor running thanks to an enzyme called bromelain. The jury’s still out on whether bananas really work, but at around 49 cents a pound, it sure can’t hurt to give them a try.
Now we’ll go from the “why not?” cheap thrill to some aphrodisiacs you’ll want to use only on your hottest seduction target. They may cost a bit more, but there’s research to support their effectiveness.
Caviar, while a bank-breaker and an acquired taste, does contain high amounts of zinc which stimulates the production of testosterone. Although it’s usually thought of as a male hormone, testosterone exists in females as well and contributes to the sexual functioning of both sexes.
Fine dark chocolate is pretty much the best-known aphrodisiac worldwide. It contains a naturally occurring stimulant as well as properties that produce feelings of satisfaction.
And don’t forget the champagne! Like other alcoholic beverages, champagne relaxes you and lowers inhibitions. It’s said that champagne affects women more strongly than it does men, creating a pleasant feeling of warmth and a sexy high. Don’t overdo it though. While alcohol in moderation can help ease you into an evening of love, drunkenness is a mood killer that can interfere with sexual performance and pleasure.
If nothing else, the knowledge that you spent the time and money to arrange a meal of these delectable treats might be enough to turn your lover on.
Most spices that gained fame as love potions are those with strong flavor. Ancient cultures made a correlation between the warm sensations and flushed faces caused by a spicy dish and the similar experiences of sexual excitement. Spices said to have aphrodisiac qualities include:
While it’s unclear whether the small amount of spice used in one meal can produce any real aphrodisiac effect, many spices do contain beneficial natural components and using them regularly as part of a nutritious diet can improve your overall health, including your sex life.
There are plenty of aromatherapy theories regarding sexual desire as well. The scents of vanilla, orange, cinnamon, and chocolate are high on the list of olfactory aphrodisiacs. Many commercial perfumes and colognes feature these scents. Musk, a strongly scented animal oil, is also a traditional aphrodisiac put to use in bottled perfumes.
Many of our most desire-producing scents are those that have their basis in childhood or in our early romantic experiences. A woman can be affected by a whiff of her first love’s cologne decades after the relationship ends.
Of course, the strongest aphrodisiac scent is one we can’t even consciously detect. Pheromones are chemicals produced by the human body that play a role in attraction and mate selection. We smell, or rather sense, these chemicals with a special part of our olfactory system. This is why the natural body scent of someone we love can be so intoxicating.
One place that all aphrodisiacs can work is in the mind of the user. It’s the old placebo effect, best summed up as “if you believe it will work-it will.” There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of this great truth, particularly when it comes to aphrodisiacs. The most sensitive sex organ is the mind. If oysters, chocolate, or a spicy curry is served on a night of anticipated romance, it can very well help a couple to associate those flavors with arousal.
In a similar way, things like power, success, and self-confidence can be amazing aphrodisiacs that work from within. Getting a promotion, a lovely compliment, or other well-deserved accolades can make you feel like a sex goddess. No love potion required.
Ways Mainstream Porn Misleads Women About Sex
Anyone who has watched even a few minutes of porn may end up with some very particular ideas about what real-world sex entails.
Porn — at least, the kind where super-toned, tanned, hairless women are penetrated in a variety of acrobatic positions by equally toned, tanned men — is full of myths about sex. Redditor black_brotha decided to ask women on the site what they “learned” from porn that turned out to be completely untrue in the real world.
Here are 11 of the most worrying un-truths women said porn taught them:
1. That their bodies were abnormal:
2. That all sex focuses on the guy’s pleasure:
3. That “sexy” is purely physical, and incredibly specific:
4. That men don’t like women with hair “down there”:
5. That orgasms are almost effortless:
6. That men only find certain bodies (white, toned and smooth-skinned) attractive:
7. That all penises are circumcised and eight inches long:
8. That insanely complex sexual positions feel good for everyone:
9. That you had to do everything women in porn videos did in order for your partner to enjoy themself:
10. That men are always ready and willing:
11. That sex between two women is just something that happens between two straight ladies out of boredom:
|How The Internet Killed Porn
It’s years since Louis Theroux turned the TV cameras on to the US porn industry. Now he is revisiting it to see if anything has changed – and he finds a business in crisisLouis Theroux: his new programe Twilight of the Porn Stars looks at the decline of the porn industry in America. Photograph: BBCIn a grand suburban house on a quiet cul-de-sac in California’s San Fernando Valley an actor is having a problem with her moans. Alexa Nicole (her professional name) is playing the role of a Latin beauty in A Love Story, a pornographic film about an author of romance novels suffering from writer’s block. They are shooting a fantasy sequence in which Alexa wanders the darkened corridors of the house in a white nightie, carrying a large candlestick. She stumbles into the arms of her forbidden lover, Miguel, played by rising star Xander Corvus, clad in leather trousers, frilly blouse and waistcoat. Helpless in the heat of passion, they make love on the chaise longue.
But there is a small issue. Alexa’s rapid high-pitched squeals of pleasure aren’t up to the exacting standards of the film’s director.
“Less porno,” he says. By way of illustration he offers a different read – less urgent, more ladylike. “Yes, yes, yes!” Then he announces his keyword for the day: “Romantico!”
A Love Story is a new title by the high-end adult movie studio Wicked Picture. And for the world of “adult”, the emphasis on the moans is a giveaway that it is not a typical sex film.
For years the porn industry was dominated by an anarchic anything-goes attitude to sex. Directors competed to see who could stage the more outrageous stunts, pushing the performers to the limit of what their bodies could take. The scenes could be hard to watch, as I discovered for myself when I visited sets for a book I was writing in 2004. The sex acts seemed to owe more to reality shows where people eat live worms and pig vomit than anything conventionally erotic.
But some time around 2007, the “business of X” started going into a commercial tailspin. The arrival of free YouTube-style porn sites meant that consumers could download pirated scenes from the vast backlog of old content for free. The phenomenon of DIY amateur sex – part-timers uploading their videos on sites such as clips4sale – also put a dent in the professionals’ pay cheques.
Suddenly an industry that was a byword for easy money, raking in billions by exploiting the anonymity of point-and-click purchasing, was fighting for its life.
Making the problems of “adult” even worse was that where consumers might feel enough loyalty to, say, Radiohead to buy their latest release rather than download it illegally, porn users don’t have the same feelings about the Dirty Debutantes series. In essence, as with every other media evolution of the last 30 years, from VHS to DVDs to the birth of the internet, porn was once again leading the way, only this time into obsolescence.
And as goes the industry, so go the performers. It’s well known that many of them come into porn looking for validation, fleeing lives of damage and abuse. They then sign up to a lifestyle that inflicts stress and illness, not to mention embarrassment, on its young foot soldiers, while offering nothing in the way of pensions and health insurance. Now they find themselves out of work, looking for a Plan B, when the only experience on their resumé is having sex for cash.
On the business side, the porn industry has been desperately trying to adapt. Partly this has been a simple case of cutting back massively. In the early 2000s, a typical issue of the industry bible, the monthly Adult Video News, might have contained hundreds of reviews of new releases. One recent example had just 14. Numerous companies have gone out of business.
Those movie companies that remain are focusing increasingly on high-end product, trying to beat the illegal sites by providing something like a cinematic experience. There is a flight into “quality”. In an uncanny echo of a recent BBC slogan, they are embracing the idea of “Fewer, Bigger, Better”. For some, this means more female-orientated scenes with less angry sex. Hence A Love Story. For others, it means parodies – of popular TV shows and recent blockbusters.
One of the unlikeliest figures in the new reinvented industry – and a one-man indicator of how much it has changed – is Rob Zicari, better known as Rob Black. In the 90s, Black was one of the most notorious provocateurs in porn. He specialized in tastelessness; his films were more like grotesque exercises in taboo-breaking than anything anyone might conceivably watch for sexual pleasure.
In 1997 I interviewed him in his office in LA and visited him on the set of a production entitled Forced Entry, a film about rape. He was only 23 at the time and I was struck by the strange contrast of his being a friendly, intelligent guy – albeit in an over-caffeinated way – while making porn films that specialized in degrading women. Six years later, Black’s provocations caught up with him during George Bush’s “war on obscenity” (the war’s two other casualties were Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, when she exposed her nipple in a dance routine during the Superbowl).
Black and his wife and business partner Janet Romano (better know as Lizzie Borden) did a year each in federal jail for obscenity. Post-prison, a chastened Black has put his Sadean grotesqueries behind him. Now he directs superhero parodies for a mainstream porn company called Vivid – Captain America XXX, Iron Man XXX – in glossy two-disc sets, some of them in 3D.
“Where the business is going now is it’s acceptable to sit down with your wife and girlfriend and introduce her to pornography,” he tells me during a visit to his new offices. “But the stuff you’re going to introduce them to is the stuff I’m making.”
He shows me the suit he had used for his Iron Man parody. I remark that in porn terms, it is an impressive prop. “Dude, the suit cost like four grand!” he says. Then, picking up one of his CD cases, in mock-awe at its resemblance to a “real movie”, he says: “Look at that! That’s a porno!”
Black is adept at putting a positive spin on the retrenchment that porn had undergone. But he appears somewhat ravaged and looks older than his 38 years. He has the air of someone who has been through something that hasn’t killed him, but which hasn’t made him stronger either.
If times are hard for the Rob Blacks of porn, they’re worse still for the men on screen. Even with the superhero parodies and the couples films, and the lower-paid work doing scenes for pay-sites, there is still nowhere near enough employment for the hordes of performers who hope to make a living getting paid to have sex on camera.
At one of the top LA agencies for performers, LA Direct, the accountant Francine Amidor laments the “devastating” impact of piracy. “There’s less work, and there’s an abundance – because of the economy – of performers. There aren’t enough people shooting to give everybody a day’s work.”
I put it to Amidor that she owes it to the young aspirants who still make their way to the LA Direct offices to explain the consequences of their decision. She demurs. “Because then I would talk three quarters of the girls out of the business and then we wouldn’t be in business.”
Fees for scenes, not surprisingly, have taken a hit. “Some girls get $600 [£390] for a scene now,” the retired performer JJ Michaels tells me. “It might be $900-$1,000 for a big-name girl. It used to get up to $3,000.” For guys, rates can be $150 or lower.
Women supplement their income by stripping and doing live shows over the internet, shot from home on their webcams. One evening I visit one of LA Direct’s top performers, Kagney Linn Karter – star of Racktastic and Pound Round – at her house as she prepares for her bi-monthly live show. Her boyfriend and full-time assistant Monte is hanging up her dresses while Kagney bathes and puts on her makeup. Monte and I then retreat to the kitchen where he tidies and wipes down surfaces while Kagney strips on her bed and masturbates in front of the strangers viewing her through her laptop. Forty-five minutes later, she emerges. “Well, I made a hundred dollars,” she says brightly.
It’s an open secret in the porn world that many female performers are supplementing their income by “hooking on the side”. It’s also called “doing privates”, as in private bookings. The official industry line is that it’s dangerous (because clients aren’t tested the way performers are) and irresponsible (because the women could then infect the closed community of professional performers). But the women can make far more money having sex behind closed doors than doing it on film and, in fact, the practice is widespread. For
|Mars vs. Venus?
The difference in men’s and women’s attitudes toward sex are often taken for granted. Men want sex, women want commitment; men look for attractive mates and women go after social status.But not all psychologists are on board with these gender-essentialist statements.
In a new review, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley and colleagues sift through psychology studies and find gender differences aren’t always as black-and-white (or pink-and-blue) as they seem. Here are six gender differences that may not be innate after all.
Men Think About Sex More Than Women Do
In a study published in 2011 in the Journal of Sex Research, psychologists asked research participants to record their thoughts throughout the day. They found that men pondered sex 18 times a day to a woman’s 10 times a day, but men also thought about food and sleep proportionately more than women. That suggests sex doesn’t hold as vaunted a position for men as you might expect.
Men Want More Sex Partners Than Women
Calculating an average does not always give you the clearest view of the data. (If, for example, researchers asked 10 men how many sex partners they wanted in the next year and nine said “one,” while one said “20,” the average would be 2.9, and you might expect that any given man wants about three sex partners in a year.)
If you look instead at the “typical” response to the question of how many partners people want, you find that the majority of both men and women offer the same answer: one.
Again, survey responses may be more about what people believe they should say, rather than what they really want, Conley said. That issue may be exacerbated because most sexual preference studies are conducted using college students, she added, and the young men are eager to conform to expectations of masculinity.
How about how many sexual partners men and women actually have? Studies generally find that men report more partners than women. But in 2003, researchers reported in the Journal of Sex Research that if you trick research participants into believing that they are hooked up to a lie-detector test, men report the same number of sexual partners as women.
Men Want ‘Sexy’ & Women Want ‘Status’
When psychologists ask research subjects (mostly college students) to imagine their ideal mate, that is indeed what they typically find. But when people in an actual speed-dating event rated the importance of attractiveness and status, these gender differences evaporated, according to a 2008 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
When the research participants met potential dates face to face, there was no difference in the way they rated their romantic interest based on those people’s attractiveness and earnings. So it seems real-world attraction may go beyond simple stereotypes. [10 Things Every Woman Should Know About a Man's Brain]
“Thinking about ‘ideal’ elicits more stereotypical thoughts about women and men — and what women and men ‘should’ do,” Conley wrote in an email to LiveScience. “When someone evaluates a real person, it is a little different.”
Women Have Far Fewer Orgasms Than Men Do
In a study published in the book “Families as They Really Are,” (W.W. Norton and Co., 2009), researchers asked more than 12,925 people about their sexual experiences. They found that women reached orgasm only about a third as much as men during first-time hookups, and only half as often as men during repeated hookups. But in committed relationships, women has orgasms 79 percent as often as men. [Top 10 Aphrodisiacs]
The fact that the gap can shrink so much based on relationship type suggests that having a partner who cares about a woman’s sexual satisfaction is more important than biology, Conley and her colleagues wrote.
Men Like Casual Sex More Than Women Do
The result could be taken to mean that women aren’t interested in casual sex. But there is evidence that cultural factors play a major role, Conley and her colleagues wrote. When women are asked to consider a hypothetical offer from someone more familiar or very attractive, they become much more receptive. Likewise, gender differences in one-night-stand interest evaporated when men and women were asked to consider sleeping with someone famous.
Conley, in yet-unpublished research, said she has found that women being propositioned by a strange man simply expect him to be no good in bed.
“Women accepted fewer casual-sex offers from men than vice versa,” she wrote, “because male proposers were perceived to have relatively poorer sexual capabilities.”
Women Are Pickier Than Men
A 2009 study published in Psychological Science found that people are choosier when they’re approached by a potential partner, and less choosy when they’re doing the approaching. The experiment, conducted in a real-life speed-dating environment, showed that when men rotated through women who stayed seated in the same spot, the women were more selective about whom they chose to date. When the women did the rotating, it was the guys who were pickier.
Because guys are traditionally the ones who make the first move, women may simply get more of a chance to be choosy. Perhaps, Conley and her colleagues wrote, women’s pickiness is tied more to dating rules than to innate desires.
Conley said that these against-the-grain studies highlight the importance of following the data to their conclusion, even when that conclusion isn’t what you’d expect.
“Psychologists – including me – always have to be looking beyond their own biases. They need to avoid getting so attached to a particular theory or perspective that they go out of their way to protect the theory,” Conley said. “Data should be the guide, and you have to look at data in every way you can think of to see if the story you are telling is really the best one.”
|What You Should Know About Swingers' Clubs
Whether it’s going to the same restaurant every week, doing laundry every Wednesday, or hitting the sack at exactly 11 p.m. every night, routines can get boring. Similarly, having sex with the same person – and only that person – for a long period of time can get boring, too.But if you still want to be in a relationship with them, what do you do? You can’t cheat, as that will destroy the trust and honesty in your relationship. So what other options are there? When that feeling of sexual routine begins to set in, many forward-thinking couples nowadays consider swinging as a solution.Swinging began in the 1960s during the hippie era of sexual revolution. It involves bringing other sexual partners into the bedroom; often this is done as a couple with another couple or a partner, individually while the other partner watches, or just individually and one-on-one.
All activities are done with the permission of the significant other, though, so there are no feelings of betrayal or hurt.
Swinging is usually not just a one-time thing. Most couples who consider themselves swingers treat it as a lifestyle, regularly attending swingers’ parties, meeting other swingers, and going to swingers’ events. The most popular place for swingers to go is swingers’ clubs.
What is a swingers’ club?
Whether part of a couple or not, most people who come to a swingers’ club are interested in exploring new sexual partners or sexual fantasies. Swingers’ clubs serve as a place for these people to meet others with these same interests. Many clubs even have backrooms or VIP areas in which visitors can partake in sexual activities with other patrons.
Many swingers’ clubs have a bar and serve alcohol to help keep the conversation flowing and visitors’ inhibitions low, even featuring:
What might I see at a swingers’ club?
At the very least, you will see many other couples and singles, dressed to impress and meet potential sexual partners. There is also likely to be a good number of intoxicated people and dancing. Depending on the location of the swingers’ club and the time of night, you could really see any age, race or size at a swingers’ club. From 21 to 80, members of the swinging lifestyle span all generations.
Be prepared to be approached or propositioned. Since the premise of a swingers’ club is to connect people interested in exploring other sexual partners, most patrons will be very blunt and upfront about what they are looking for. They won’t be shy about complimenting you, propositioning you, staring at you, or asking you sexually illicit questions.
How do I get in?
When you get to a swingers’ club, you will have to check in at a front desk area. You may be asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement, stating that you will not share any details of what you see in the club during your visit. You may even need to turn in your cell phone; this helps guarantee privacy of the patrons, ensuring that no pictures of activities at the club are taken or transmitted.
If you want to visit a VIP or activity room, there may be additional charges, as well as precautions (such as wearing a condom), to which you will be required to submit. Each swingers’ club is different, however, so these requirements will vary.
What else should I know?
If you plan to drink at a swingers’ club, be sure to check the club’s policy before going. You may need to bring your own beverages.
Most swingers’ clubs have an abundance of condoms available for patrons. In order to ensure your health and safety, though, bring your own condoms if you plan to participate in any sexual activities during your visit.
For couples in a committed relationship who are interested in exploring other sexual activities and partners, swingers’ clubs may be an option. Before visiting a swingers’ club, however, ensure both you and your partner are in agreement as to what’s allowed and what is off limits.
This will ensure neither of you is hurt in the event one of you participates in sexual activities with another patron while at a swingers’ club or event.
Swingers’ clubs can also be good options for single people who are not looking for a monogamous relationship and are interested in experiencing a free sexual lifestyle. As mentioned previously, though, many swingers’ clubs will limit the number of singles allowed in on a nightly basis.
Remember, swingers’ clubs typically do not advertise or make themselves very well known. It may take some research through online swinging groups to find a swingers’ club near you.
Also, it is important to note that the legalities of swingers’ clubs and their activities vary from state to state. Before you make plans to attend a swingers’ club, make sure to investigate your state’s laws first. Otherwise, your first foray into swinging could very well be your last.
|Yes, Ladies, You Can Walk Around the City Topless
Yesterday, we reported that a woman was spotted strolling the Bowery topless. Yes, full-on topless, no bra, no shirt, just boob. Two of them. One photo suggests that the woman was getting a ticket from two cops, but some of you commenters pointed out that this lady had every right to be beating the heat in the buff.We emailed NYPD Deputy Commissioner of Public Information Paul Browne our original post, asking whether or not this woman was breaking the law. He replied:
The state’s highest court established long ago that women have the same right as men to appear topless in public. Absent a link to some commercial enterprise or promotion, the woman’s lack of certain attire in this instance does not appear to be a police matter.
Browne added in a later email that there was no evidence that he was aware of to suggest that the woman was in fact ticketed. Topless Bowery lady, get in touch, we want to hear your story!
A woman’s right to go topless in New York has a long history. The defendants in the 1992 case People v. Ramona Santorelli and Mary Lou Schloss were arrested along with five others in a Rochester park for violating a law which prohibited women from showing “that portion of the breast which is below the top of the areola.” (Areola = coloring around the nipple). Santorelli and Schloss argued that the law was “discriminatory on its face since it defines ‘private or intimate parts’ of a woman’s but not a man’s body as including a specific part of the breast.” The New York Court of Appeals ruled in favor of the two women.
More than 10 years later, Jill Coccaro was arrested in 2005 on Delancey Street for going topless, but sued the city and received $29,000 in a settlement.
So ladies, it’s a scorcher out there, feel free to bare it all on top, and if you want some solidarity, August 21 is National Go-Topless Day. But remember this other handy comment on our earlier story: “Honestly, I find it much cooler to wear a T-shirt because the cotton absorbs the stickiness.” Noted!
|5 Myths About Polyamory Debunked
A new look at polyamory
Researchers estimate that as many as 5 percent of Americans are currently in relationships involving consensual nonmonogamy — that is, permission to go outside the couple looking for love or sex.
The boundaries in these relationships are remarkably varied, with some couples negotiating one-off “swinging” or partner-swapping experiences. and others forming stable bonds among three, four or five partners simultaneously. The latter is a version of polyamory, relationships in which people have multiple partnerships at once with the full knowledge of all involved.
Polyamorous people have largely flown under the radar, but that’s beginning to change as psychologists become intrigued by this unusual group. The first annual International Academic Polyamory Conference takes place Feb. 15, 2013 in Berkeley, Calif., and ongoing studies are examining everything from how jealousy works in polyamorous relationships to how kids in polyamorous familes fare. Though there’s a lot left to learn, initial findings are busting some myths about how love among many works.
Myth 1: Poly people are unsatisfied
When someone goes outside a relationship looking for companionship or sex, it’s natural to assume there’s something missing from their romance. But that doesn’t appear to be the case for polyamorous individuals.
Melissa Mitchell, a graduate student in psychology at the University of Georgia, conducted research while at Simon Frasier University in Canada on 1,093 polyamorous individuals. The participants were asked to list a primary partner and a secondary partner (more on that later), and they averaged nine years together with their primary and about two-and-a-half years with their secondary.
Mitchell and her colleagues surveyed their participants about how satisfied and fulfilled they felt in their relationships. They found that people were more satisfied with, felt more close to and more supported by their primary partner, suggesting that their desire for a secondary partner had little to do with dissatisfaction in the relationship. And satisfaction with an outside partner didn’t hurt the primary relationship. [6 Scientific Tips for a Successful Marriage]
“Polyamorous relationships are relatively independent of one another,” Mitchell said in January at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in New Orleans. “We tend to assume in our culture that if you have your needs met outside your relationship, some kind of detrimental effect is going to result, and that’s not what we find here.”
Myth 2: Poly people are still paired up
Many polyamorous people do form relationships that orbit around a committed couple, with each person having relationships on the side. But the primary partner/secondary partner model is an oversimplification for many poly relationships, said Bjarne Holmes, a psychologist at Champlain College in Vermont.
“I’d say about 30 percent or so of the polyamorous population would say they think of one partner as being primary,” Holmes told LiveScience. “A large part of the population would say, ‘No, I don’t buy into that idea of primary or secondary.’”
Many polyamorous people resist that hierarchy and say they get different things out of different relationships, Holmes said. There are also many people who live in triads or quads, in which three or four people have relationships with each other or with just one or a few members of the group.
“What I’ve come across most is actually configurations of two males and a female living together,” Holmes said.
Myth 3: Polyamory is a way to avoid commitment
Research by Amy Moors, a graduate student at the University of Michigan, finds that people whose relationship style involves little emotional entanglement often say they’d love a polyamorous relationship, thinking that they could have the benefits of coupledom without too much attachment.
Wrong. Joining a polyamorous relationship and thinking it’s going to be a commitment-free breeze would likely be a huge mistake. For one thing, plenty of polyamorous relationships are very serious and stable — Holmes says he’s interviewed people who’ve been legally married for 40 years and in a relationship with a second partner for 20.
Secondly, successful polyamorous partners communicate relentlessly, Holmes said: “They communicate to death.” It’s the only way to ensure that everyone’s needs are met and no one is feeling jealous or left out in a relationship that involves many people.
Myth 4: Polyamory is exhausting
The monogamists in the crowd may be shaking their heads. Isn’t all that communication and negotiation exhausting? It’s true that polyamorous relationships take lots of time, said Elizabeth Sheff, a legal consultant and former Georgia State University professor who is writing a book on polyamorous families.
“Even if you’re able to hang out together, giving four relationships the amount of care and feeding and maintenance they need can be a full-time job,” Sheff told LiveScience. [Life’s Extremes: Polyamory vs. Monogamy]
But people who thrive in polyamory seem to love that job, Holmes said. Polyamorous people report feeling energized by their multiple relationships and say that good feelings in one translate to good feelings in others.
“I had someone describe to me that love breeds more feelings of love,” Holmes said.
Myth 5: Polyamory is bad for the kids
One big question about polyamory is how it affects families with children. The answer to that is not entirely clear — there have been no large-scale, long-term studies on the outcomes of kids growing up with polyamorous parents.
But some early research is suggesting that polyamory doesn’t have to have a bad impact on the kids. Sheff has interviewed more than 100 members of polyamorous families, including about two dozen children of polyamorous parents ranging in age from 5 to 17 years old.
Parents list some disadvantages of the polyamorous lifestyle for their kids, namely stigma from the outside world and the danger of a child becoming attached to a partner who might later leave the arrangement, a risk most tried to ameliorate by being extremely cautious about introducing partners to their children.
For their part, kids in the 5- to 8-year-old range were rarely aware that their families were different from the norm, Sheff found. They thought about their parents’ boyfriends and girlfriends as they related to themselves, not as they related to mom or dad.
“A 6-year-old may not think of someone as mommy’s girlfriend, but think of that person as ‘the one who brings Legos’ or ‘the one who takes me out to ice cream,’” Sheff said.
From ages 9 to 12, kids became more aware of their families as different, but mostly said it was easy to stay “closeted,” because people tend to mistake polyamorous arrangements as blended families or other relics of modern relationship complexity. The teens in the 13- to 17-year-old crowd tended to take a more in-your-face approach, Sheff said, “an approach of, ‘If you think this is wrong you’re going to have to prove it to me. My family is fine.’”
Some teens indicated that they’d consider polyamory for themselves; others weren’t interested at all.
Both parents and kids saw advantages to the polyamorous lifestyle as well. For parents, having more than two adults on hand to help with child-rearing could be a lifesaver. Kids also reported liking having multiple adults whom they trusted — though they complained that with so much supervision, they couldn’t get away with anything. Children also spoke of the advantages of growing up knowing they could make their own decisions about how to build their families.
The results are likely somewhat optimistic, Sheff said, as dysfunctional families are usually less likely to volunteer for studies. But the lack of widespread trauma among the children of polyamorous families suggests that polyamory is not, by definition, terrible for kids.
“One of the main things this does indicate to me is that these families can be really good places to raise children,” Sheff said. “Not necessarily that all of them, definitionally, are, but that they may be, depending on how families work it out.”
7 Kinky Sex Tips For Curious Vanilla Girls
Are you ladies more kinky than you are admitting? Considering the popularity of “50 Shades of Gray,” the erotica book burning the laps of lady readers across the country, I’m guessing you gals might be a tad kink-curious. Of course, there is a difference between reading about kinky sex and actually doing it– but both can be hot. Why not give those fantasies a whirl in the bedroom?
Being a vanilla girl who is curious about BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) can be intimidating. You’re probably conjuring images of dog collars, dungeons and leather-clad man who calls himself Master DragonBallz. Fret not, there are ways for a normal gal to try this stuff out with her partner in the comfort of her own bedroom. No dungeon necessary. Click through for some tips on how to dip a perfectly manicured toe into the dark waters of BDSM. And remember, you can use your safe word at anytime during this slideshow.
Initiate A Kink Conversation
If you want to take a more blunt route, frame the suggestion for kinky sex as a compliment, rather than as an accusation that there is something missing in your sex life. “You could say something like, ‘I really enjoy having sex with you because you listen to my body and make me feel safe. The idea of [being tied up during sex/spanked/dirty talk/doing chores naked] is something that makes me feel turned on and a little vulnerable but I think it would be sexy to explore.”’ Maggie suggests using “and” instead of “but”. Example: “I really enjoy sex with you and I want to try spanking” sounds much different than “I really enjoy sex with you butI want to try spanking.”
Start Off Slow
Books, websites, workshops can be helpful as well. You can try saying something to your partner like, “I have so much fun with you in the bedroom and you make me feel so good that I feel comfortable checking out something I’ve never done before, like maybe bondage. I don’t really know very much about it, do you think that we could attend a workshop just to find out how it works?”
Do Some Erotic Brainstorming
Make a list of the things you might want to try. “Write down a basic idea such as ‘Bondage’ or ‘Spanking.’Then make one column for the different things about spanking you think are sexy and another column for what you don’t find sexy at all,” Maggie encourages. Then share that list with your partner.
Tantalize Your Partner’s Senses
Then work your way up the sensory ladder to something more intense. If you want to get rough, try a handkerchief as a gag. “It can be a reminder of how much tension we release through our voices and can heighten the feel of an orgasm,” says Maggie. Rope is also fun. “For some, bondage is about the vulnerability of being unable to escape but for others it’s about the sensation of smooth rope gliding over different parts of their body like their arms, legs, or torso” she says.
Take turns doing this stuff to each other. But if you already know that it only turns you on to be the “bottom” in the situation, take the reigns and get the ball rolling. Lay out some toys, put on your sexiest outfit and ask, “What can I do to serve you? What would please you?”
Use Safe Words
While exploring, try to establish non-verbal cues together to help you communicate in the moment. If you like something, you can make it a point to moan in appreciation or give a thumbs up. If something is getting too intense, pantomime turning down the dial or put a hand up in a Stop sign. Remember to always honor your safe word. Unexpected things can happen in our minds or bodies. A cramp in the foot! A buzzing cell phone! A sudden feeling of discomfort!
Have A Post-Kink Debrief
Debrief and talk about what just happened. Did you enjoy it? Was there something that didn’t turn you or your partner on? Keep the communication going so that next time you can push the envelope even further … ya know, if you’re into that.
10 Exes So Horrible, You'll Start To Think Back Fondly On Yours
We’ve all got a crazy ex, and sharing stories about how batshit insane they were is one of life’s great joys.
1. “He left me stranded 1,000 miles away from home in Texas while he went to Arizona and called me to tell me he’s leaving me for his step-sister.” -spilledcheerio
2. “My last girlfriend broke up with me over instant messaging after two years. I was 27, she was 23.”
3. “He stole my identity, opened a fake business, embezzled money from the company he was working for, then got my wages garnished for unpaid taxes to the tune of 113k. But then the FBI got involved and quite a while later it was all sorted out. That a-hole went to jail!”
4. “I left for a week to LA and when I came home he dumped me via text message. Totally unexplained and he had just called me that morning telling me he loved me and was so happy to see me again soon. Two days later he released a song about how he dumped me. Some of the lyrics were ‘Life always moves on, we have to say goodbye. Just know that I loved you and I cared, that’s why I had to let you go.’ Doesn’t seem like a bad thing; it was a really sweet song and I was thankful for that. However, I wasn’t thankful for the girls that were hitting him up on the Facebook post of it he made, and he started flirting with them right back. So here I am, watching notifications pop up, crying in my room as I watch girls start hitting on my ex over a song about him dumping me.”-
5. “While we were still dating, my ex decided to take a drunken joyride in my truck without me knowing. She crashed it into a tree, totaled the truck but she was completely fine. The worst part? She was going to the guy she’d been cheating on me with.”
6. “She posted a listing about me on Craigslist in the male seeking male section. She gave my phone number.”
7. “My girlfriend of 2.5 years slept with my roommate. We break up. She packs her crap from my room and moves in to his room. Needless to say I moved out, but it took me 30 days to find another apartment. I slept with earplugs in so I wouldn’t have to hear them have sex. ”
8. He dumped the contents of an outdoor trashcan (including the nasty water in the bottom) into my trunk. It took months to get the smell out.
9. “She would steal $20 bills from my wallet at night. I finally had to set up a sting operation to catch her. As soon as I did the one year relationship was over.” -Rob768
And finally, the worst ex move of all…
10. “She changed the password on her Netflix so I couldn’t use it for free anymore. Like, what kind of person does that?”
Meet The Women Changing How We Think About Female Sexuality, One Sex Story At A Time
Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson have had a lot of sex — and they’re not afraid to talk about it.
After Fisher went through a rough breakup, the two New York-based stand-up comedians, both in their mid-20s, decided to pool their collective un-shame about sex and create a podcast in which they interviewed men they’d slept with. The first episode of “Guys We Fucked, The Anti Slut-Shaming Podcast” was released in December. Since then, their audience has grown quickly, and the show now has over 200,000 subscribers on SoundCloud.
“We’re saying, have a lot of sex and be proud of it,” Hutchinson explains at the beginning of the debut episode.
The pair first met five years ago when Hutchinson took a college internship at the talent agency where Fisher then worked. They discovered that they were both interested in doing stand-up, and soon formed the comedy duo Sorry About Last Night. “We are really good friends in real life,” Hutchinson told The Huffington Post. “I think that’s where our chemistry comes from in the podcast.”
That friendship extends to no-holds-barred, frank discussions about sex. The pair touch on everything from dirty talk to disastrous one-night stands with equal parts honesty and humor. But “Guys We Fucked” isn’t meant to titillate — Hutchinson and Fisher hope that the podcast encourages women to feel more comfortable with themselves and everyone to have more great, shame-free sex.
Just don’t accuse these two of hating the men they talk to and about. “We had sex with them,” says Hutchinson. “We obviously liked them a great deal.”
HuffPost Women: How did the idea for this podcast come about?
Corinne: It’s not like I just woke up one day and thought, “I wanna interview everyone I’ve fucked.” I was going through a really tough breakup and I was trying to think of different ways I could better myself as a human being. I had this John Cusack-like idea that if I went back and talked to different people I had slept with or had relationships with, I could figure out if I was doing something wrong. That progressed into Krystyna and I making it into something a little more empowering and a little less personal. We love being funny but we’re also interested in why things are the way they are for women. Why do people feel the way they do sexually? There’s a lot of shame that confuses us.
You call “Guys We Fucked” the “anti slut-shaming podcast.” Had you experienced slut-shaming in the past?
Since starting in stand-up comedy I’ve realized that sexism is alive and well. Also, I’ve noticed that a lot of my girl friends feel ashamed about what they do sexually. We wanted to make women feel more comfortable, and for men to feel more comfortable and to hear what we talk about.
C: Yeah, I think the phrase, “Oh, she’s such a slut” is dropped so casually by men and women. And I don’t think you need to be the victim of something to recognize that it’s wrong and to fight against it. Sometimes it’s more powerful if it’s not the “sluts” fighting against slut-shaming, but rather someone who’s just, “We need to be more supportive of one another.” I think women call other women sluts a lot and that is terrible.
Why do you think that slut-shaming is such an issue in our culture? Are people just terrified of women as sexual beings?
I would assume that you’ve gotten some mixed reactions to your podcast. What have been the most frustrating ones?
C: We speak very freely and graphically about sex, but obviously we’re not gonna fuck anyone who says “I wanna fuck you, sluts,” so dream on. The worst thing for me is when women make comments being like: “You are filthy, you don’t get this, you’re disgraceful.”
K: I kind of expected it from men, because they’re losing the power struggle here, but when it’s women against their own kind I just sit back and think “we have so far to go.”
What do you hope listeners take away from the podcast?
How have men reacted when you approached them about being guests on your show, especially at the beginning?
C: We allow people to be anonymous and really, unless you’re a public figure, or someone really personally knows you, there’s no way your identity is gonna get out. We record this in a private studio and we never use last names, except with Jim Norton because he’s a famous comic and we didn’t have sex with him.
I think that often men crave a space to talk about sex. Women tend to have more spaces to discuss these things than men do, so it’s kind of awesome that you’re bringing both perspectives to listeners.
And we’re in our mid-20s. We don’t know everything, we make mistakes as we go and we’re very honest about those mistakes. I think that’s another reason people kind of identify with it.
Do you ever feel conflicted about putting so much of your personal life into your work?
C: I feel a little bit less inhibited. I don’t have a job where anyone would care, I don’t have a boyfriend, my family doesn’t care.
Do you think that there is a specific value in women being confessional?
C: A lot of times the argument we’ll hear is: “Well, I don’t think men or women should be talking this graphically about sex. Sex is private.” I totally hear people on that. That’s the beauty — you can keep your sex private. It’s almost like we’re taking it a little over the top and talking about sex a little more in-depth just to push the point home that this is not something to be ashamed of.
Do people think about me differently? One hundred percent. Are people less likely to have sex with me, especially in the comedy community? One hundred percent. I have had way less sex since this podcast started than I have ever had in my entire life. And it is 100 percent directly related to the podcast.
K: Guys can be easily intimidated by a woman who has a lot of sex. I’ve never really understood that.
Do you two consider yourselves feminists? Do you shy away from that term at all?
C: Yeah, I like to call myself a modern feminist. I loved the Spice Girls because they dressed however they wanted and they rocked their hot bodies, but they were still promoting a really positive message. And I think to say that to be a feminist you can’t show off your body or be overtly sexual is bullsh*t. Jesus, if I can’t wear a miniskirt in my 20s, when can I?
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Swingers Resorts
Admittedly, we’ve taken you on some pretty weird nakations in the past, from nude beaches and nude resorts, to the world’s kinkiest festivals, naughty ski trips, and erotic vacations, but even we had to stop for a second upon discovering swingers resorts. Call us sheltered. Call us naive. We assumed they existed, of course, but we just didn’t know much about them. Until now, that is. And everything we’ve learned, we’re sharing with you.
So, are they just “adults only” all-inclusive resorts?
Sort of, in the sense that “adults only” means no kids. But no, in the sense that people aren’t typically having public sex in your standard Cancun adults-only spots.
Wait, so then they’re nude resorts?
What is a swinger exactly?
But obviously people are doing it everywhere?
What about partying? There is partying, right?
Will I be having sex, like, all the time?
Can I organize a sex party in my room?
Do I have to make a straight trade with another couple or can we mix and match?
What about hygiene?
Finally, what do I tell my friends and family? I can’t very well say I’m vacationing at a place called Hedonism.
9 Facts That Prove Traditional Definitions Of Gender Roles Are Bullshit
Remember the good old days when men were men and women were women? You know, when the manliest of men wore their hair long and curly with their best high heels.
Oh, maybe you were imagining a slightly different picture of modern gender? Consider the earring. Associated exclusively with women for about 200 years, guys have recently started to reclaim them. “In the last two decades,” Valerie Steele, director of the Museum at the Fashion Institute of Technology, told The Huffington Post, “men have gotten in touch with their inner pirate.”
While there are real biological differences between the sexes, gender is generally considered to be a social construction — it can be pretty much whatever we want it to be, and we’ve wanted it to be a lot of things over the years. Below, find some ways our perception of gender presentation has already changed from the past to present.
Pink used to be a “boy color” and blue a “girl color,” and before that every baby just wore white.
Pastels came into style when a 1918 retail trade publication attempted to nail down the rules: pink for boys and blue for girls. “Being a more decided and stronger color, [pink] is more suitable for the boy,” the article stated, “while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.” Whether or not people listened (and blatantly sexist rationale aside), they at least seemed to accept a much wider variety of color options for their infants until sometime around 1940, University of Maryland historian Jo B. Paoletti notes, when preferences switched to the color divide we’re familiar with today.
High heels were originally created for men and seen as “masculine” for a century.
But when women began adopting the style as well, men’s shoe heels became stockier and shorter, while women’s became thinner and higher. “Most of the time,” Steele told HuffPost, “when something begins to be associated with the feminine, it gets kind of ‘contaminated’ for men.” By the end of the 18th century, she noted, men were over the whole heeled shoe thing. If only they could’ve looked past the gender divide, they’d have seen a way to longer-looking legs and a perkier butt.
At one time, secretaries and schoolteachers were all guys.
As more women entered the workforce, the field began to shift. But female secretaries rarely made the jump from office peon to executive, and a “secretary” came to look like the smartly dressed girls we see on “Mad Men.” Around the same time, teaching schoolchildren was also a male-dominated profession, until the work became “feminized” and men backed away, slowly, into the bushes.
Lace used to be manly. And womanly. So long as you were upper-class.
It was acceptable for men to wear lace through the 18th century, Steele explained, but the style died out around the 19th century. “A lot of decoration in clothing was interpreted as meaning ‘aristocratic, upper class’” she explained, “and it becomes redefined around 1800 as meaning ‘feminine.’” The same goes for the business of shopping for clothing fabric. “Men shopped quite happily for clothing right through the 18th century,” she explained.
“Tearlessness,” wrote historian Tom Lutz, “has not been the standard of manliness through most of history.” Although men may be biologically inclined against crying, the act has been used over centuries by both genders to signify sincerity, pleasure or even heroism. Odysseus cries throughout the Iliad. Jean-Jacque Rousseau, Lutz wrote, considered crying part of our natural state. In the 18th century, crying was so normalized and even expected that “if you didn’t cry at the theatre … you were some kind of lower class boor,” he told the Orange County Register. Even American hero Abraham Lincoln cried at certain moments during his public speeches.
Cheerleading started out as a boys’ club, because it was too “masculine” for girls.
The first cheerleader is said to be University of Minnesota student Johnny Campbell, who convinced the crowd to follow his chanting lead during an 1898 game. His legacy was carried on by Dwight D. Eisenhower, Franklin Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan — all cheerleaders. It wasn’t until the 1920s and 1930s that women were really included (and not until the 1960s that it became female-dominated) since the sport was previously deemed too “masculine” for them, helping develop powerful, unladylike voices. Plus, they’d hear too much cursing hanging around all those manly male cheerleaders.
Respectable dudes used to wear their hair long, too.
Later on, 17th century men began wearing long wigs. Sure, it could have been because tons of people had syphilis, causing their hair to fall out in embarrassing patches, but long, thick hair became a status symbol anyway. King Louis XIV was particularly known for wearing a wig with rich, wavy tresses that were the envy of all the land, probably.
Both men and women can get kind of baby-crazy — it just happens to men later in life.
Results of a 2013 survey of 81 women and 27 men in Britain suggested that while men were slightly less likely to express desire for children, they were more likely to feel depressed, jealous, or angry if they didn’t have any.
The art of brewing beer was pioneered by women.
There’s even a word, likely originating during the 12th century, for female brewers: “brewster.”
Forget the Saudi Driving Ban: The Five Weirdest Beliefs About Women Ever
“Don’t read so much, you’ll become sterile!”
Saudi Arabia is the only country where women are not allowed to drive. On Saturday, dozens of Saudi women took to their cars in defiance of the de facto driving ban and posted videos of their protest online. While some 17,000 people signed a petition in support of their campaign, plenty of conservative Saudis are happy to keep things just the way they are. Among them is Sheik Salah al-Luhaydan, a top cleric who last month warned women that they risk damaging their ovaries and rearing defective children if they drive. In honor of the sheik’s comments, TIME takes a look at some of the strangest beliefs in history about girls and women.
1. Wombs go randomly wandering
On the whole, the womb is like an animal within an animal. When, therefore, it is suddenly carried upwards, and remains above for a considerable time, and violently compresses the intestines, the woman experiences a choking, after the form of epilepsy, but without convulsions. For the liver, diaphragm, lungs and heart are quickly squeezed within a narrow space; and therefore loss of breathing and of speech seems to be present.
2. Crippled, broken feet are super hot
3. Put down those books ladies, don’t you know that reading makes you sterile?
4. Autism is caused by bad mothers
5. American women don’t actually want to vote
And if you thought all the silliest ideas about women came from men, it’s worth remembering Queen Victoria’s views on women’s rights:
I am most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of ‘Women’s Rights,’ with all its attendant horrors, on which her poor feeble sex is bent, forgetting every sense of womanly feelings and propriety. Feminists ought to get a good whipping. Were woman to ‘unsex’ themselves by claiming equality with men, they would become the most hateful, heathen and disgusting of beings and would surely perish without male protection.
Shedding Light On The Myths About Women Who Have A Lot of Sex
Nothing irritates me more than persistent half-truths and complete fabrications hyped as fact. Myths about women’s sexuality are continually refurbished and bought by the masses; old mores sold as shiny new tools to be hurled as weapons of control. It’s time to expose reality by shattering outdated perceptions of women who have a lot of sex.
Myth: Women Who Have a Lot of Sex are Easy
Myth: Women Who Have a Lot of Sex Have Low Self-Esteem or Self Worth
Myth: Men are Wired to Have a Lot of Sex, Women to be Monogamous
Myth: Women Who Have a Lot of Sex are Commitment-Phobic or Incapable of Monogamy
Myth: American Women Have a Lot of Sex Compared with Rest of the World
It’s almost inconceivable how an article like this is relevant in 2014 and a case needs to be made to defend women who explore their sexuality. Truth is, even if women today were having more sex than their mothers, why should it matter? As long as a woman knows why she is having sex, has consensual sex within those parameters to maintain her emotional health and sustains physical health by using protection… why does everyone care so much?
The next time you see an article on the evils of the hook-up culture notice that the focus is on the behavior of women. Who do you think most of these women are having sex with? Are you worried about your son’s ability to commit in the future? Oh, that’s right. “Boys will be boys.” What do you think your attitude says to your son about his sexuality? Isn’t his body just as special a gift to share as your daughter’s?
The Porn Stars' Guide To A Healthy Sex Life
Sexual self-knowledge is crucial for everyone, but especially for porn stars, who make their living in the bedroom. Here, several porn stars share the ways they keep their sex lives healthy and fun — and it turns out that even the less sexually adventurous among us can take a few (candid and uncensored) pointers from these adult entertainers.
Keep yourself healthy.
“When people get into trouble is when we stop examining ourselves or ignore our feelings and shut down about things,” Ryan told The Huffington Post. “It’s like closing the door to a closet. When you open it again, you might not remember all the things that were stuffed in there.”
Ryan emphasized that physical health can affect mental health. “Stay healthy with the way you eat, getting exercise, physical fitness, yoga time with friends,” she said. She also advised getting tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases.
“As a performer, I am tested regularly even when I’m not working regularly,” Ryan said. “I still like to know my status and be in clear communication with my partner. Sometimes it can be scary, but it’s better to have information.”
Make time for yourself.
“I start to get burned out on hookup culture and poly dating when I don’t have my own ‘me time,’” said Courtney Trouble, a pornographic actor and director. Trouble told HuffPost that time alone is a way to keep yourself feeling comfortable in your own skin.
“Even in my marriage, I make time for myself — no dates, no hubby, just me,” she said.
Want to experiment? The supplies you need are probably close by.
Sexual experimentation just might be good for you. According to a 2013 study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, couples who have kinky sex may be more mentally healthy than their vanilla counterparts. Andreas Wismeijer, the study’s lead author, said one possible explanation is that people who have experimented tend to be more aware, and more communicative, of their sexual desires — and they’ve done the psychological work it takes to embrace preferences that lie outside the mainstream.
So — are you interested in bondage? Don’t worry if you don’t have the nerve or the time to hit Toys in Babeland. “Everyone has an extension cord in their apartment,” said Stoya, alt-porn star and author. “Everyone has things that can be made into toys.”
For bondage experimentation, Stoya recommended cords and bathrobe ties. Other sexual predilections, she said, can similarly be satisfied with common household items. “There’s no need to buy anything expensive if you’re experimenting,” she told HuffPost.
Tell your partner(s) EXACTLY what you want.
Don’t be ashamed of your desires.
“I was a swinger and I explored and I tasted all the flavors and it was crazy and amazing,” Satine Phoenix, an artist and former porn star, told HuffPost. “But then I met this guy and I didn’t want anyone else.” Now, she said, she wishes that during her 20s, she’d paid more attention to herself and less to her peers.
Stoya pointed out the absurdity of shaming people for what they like in the bedroom. Sexual preferences, she said, are as arbitrary and varied as food preferences — “but no one calls you a whore for liking Cool Ranch Doritos.”