Not Funny But Cool – Classic

Stories

Lincoln & Kennedy
Have a history teacher explain this—– if they can.Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln’s secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy’s Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839. Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named ‘Ford’.
Kennedy was shot in a car called ‘ Lincoln ‘ made by ‘Ford’.

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
click here to close

Historical Facts
Next time you’re washing your hands and the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s. Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children — last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.”

Houses had thatched roofs — thick straw — piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the dogs, cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof — hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs.”

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could really mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, hence the saying “dirt poor.”

The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they kept adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance way, hence, a “thresh hold.”

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite awhile. Hence the rhyme, “peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man “could bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat.”

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with a high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Most people did not have pewter plates, but had trenchers, a piece of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often trenchers were made from stale bread which was so old and hard that they could be used for quite some time. Trenchers were never washed and a lot of times worms and mold got into the wood and old bread. After eating off wormy, moldy trenchers, one would get “trench mouth”.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or “upper crust.”

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a “wake.”

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone-house” and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered a “dead ringer.”

Now you know were all those sayings came from. . . (Who ever said that history was boring)?
click here to close

Where Did That Come From
In George Washington’s days, there were no cameras. One’s image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are ‘limbs,’ therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression, ‘Okay, but it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.’ (Artists know hands and arms are more difficult to paint)
*******
As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October) Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn’t wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term ‘big wig.’ Today we often use the term ‘here comes the Big Wig’ because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.
*******
In the late 1700′s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The ‘head of the household’ always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal.
To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the ‘chair man.’
Today in business, we use the expression or title ‘Chairman’ or ‘Chairman of the Board.’
*******
Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee’s wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman’s face she was told, ‘mind your own bee’s wax.’ Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term ‘crack a smile’. In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt . . . Therefore, the expression ‘losing face.’
*******
Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in ‘straight laced’…Wore a tightly tied lace.
*******
Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the ‘Ace of Spades.’ To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren’t ‘playing with a full deck.’
*******
Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV’s or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to ‘go sip some ale’ and listen to people’s conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. ‘You go sip here’ and ‘You go sip there.’ The two words ‘go sip’ were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term ‘gossip.’
*******
At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid’s job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in ‘pints’ and who was drinking in ‘quarts,’ hence the term minding your ‘P’s and ‘Q’s
*******
One more and betting you didn’t know this!In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem…how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a ‘Monkey’ with 16 round indentations.However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make ‘Brass Monkeys.’ Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled.

Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, ‘Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.’ (All this time, you thought that was an improper expression, didn’t you.)

If you don’t send this fabulous bit of historic knowledge to any and all your unsuspecting friends, your floppy is going to fall off your hard drive and kill your mouse.
click here to close

What’s In A Name If Your Jewish
Also read to the end
Other than aristocrats and wealthy people, Jews did not get surnames in Eastern Europe until the Napoleon years of the early 19th century.Most of the Jews from countries captured by Napoleon, Russia, Poland, and Germany were ordered to get surnames for tax purposes.After Napoleon’s defeat, many Jews dropped these names and returned to ‘son of’ names such as: MENDELSOHN, JACOBSON, LEVINSON, etc.

During the so called Emancipation, Jews were once more ordered to take surnames. In Austria, The Emperor Joseph made Jews take last names in the late 1700s, Poland in 1821 and Russia in 1844. It’s probable that some Jewish families have had last names for 175 years or less.

In France and the Anglo Saxon countries surnames went back to the 16th century. Also, Sephardic Jews had surnames stretching back centuries.

Spain prior to Ferdinand and Isabella was a golden spot for Jews.
They were expelled by Isabella in the same year that Columbus left for America.

Most of the earliest American Jews were Sephardic, of Spanish derivation.

In general, there were five types of names (people had to pay for their choice of names; the poor had assigned names):

1– Names that were descriptive of the head of household:
Examples: HOCH (tall), KLEIN (small), COHEN (rabbi), BURGER (village dweller), SHEIN (good looking), LEVI (temple singer), GROSS (large), SCHWARTZ (dark or black), WEISS (white), KURTZ (short)

2 — Names describing occupations:
Examples: HOLTZ (wood) HOLTZKNOCKER (wood chopper), GELTSCHMIDT (goldsmith), SCHNEIDER (tailor), KREIGSMAN (warrior), EISEN (iron), FISCHER (fish), STARK (strong)

3– Names from city of residence:
Examples: BERLIN, FRANKFURTER, DANZIGER, OPPENHEIMER, DEUTSCH (German) POLLACK (Polish), BRESLAU, MANNHEIM, CRACOW, WARSHAW, VAN PRAAG (Prague) NEDERLANDER (Holland)

4 — Miscellaneous names:
Examples: GLUCK (luck), ROSEN (roses), ROSENBLATT (rose paper or leaf), ROSENBERG (rosehill), ROTH (red), DIAMOND, KOENIG (king), KOENIGSBERG (king’s mountain), SPIELMA (payer), LIEBER (dear), BERG (hill or mountain),WASSER ( water), KIRSCH (church), SHULL (synagogue) STEIN (stone).

5– Descriptive names:
Examples: PLOTZ (burst), KLUTZ (clumsy), BILLIG (cheap) GRUB (fat) DREYFUS (crippled) STARK (strong)

I didn’t check the validity of these names. Some are children of mixed marriages. I do not think Jane Seymour is Jewish. If she is, it’s on her father’s side. I do not think Sam Waterson is Jewish.
I used to rely on Jewhoo, but that is no longer on the web.

Jewish Birth Names of some famous Performers:

Woody Allen — Alan Stewart Koenigsberg
June Allyson — Ella Geisman
Lauren Bacall — Betty Joan Perske
Jack Benny — Benjamin Kubelsky
Irving Berlin — Israel Baline
Milton Berle — Milton Berlinger
Joey Bishop —Joseph Gottlieb
Karen Black — Karen Blanche Ziegler
Victor Borge — Borge Rosenbaum
Fanny Brice — Fanny Borach
Mel Brooks — Melvin Kaminsky
George Burns — Nathan Birnbaum
Eddie Cantor — Edward Israel Iskowitz
Jeff Chandler — Ira Grossel
Lee J. Cobb — Amos Jacob
Tony Curtis — Bernard Schwartz
Rodney Dangerfield — Jacob Cohen
Kirk Douglas — Issur Danielovich Demsky
Melvyn Douglas — Melvyn Hesselberg
Bob Dylan — Bobby Zimmerman
Paulette Goddard — Pauline Levy
Lee Grant — Lyova Geisman
Elliot Gould — Elliot Goldstein
Al Jolson — Asa Yoelson
Danny Kaye — David Daniel Kaminsky
Michael Landon — Michael Orowitz
Steve Lawrence — Sidney Leibowitz
Jerry Lewis — Joseph Levitch
Peter Lorre — Lazlo Lowenstein
Elaine May — Elaine Berlin
Yves Montand — Ivo Levy
Mike Nichols — Michael Peschkowsky
Joan Rivers — Joan Molinsky
Edard G. Robinson — Emanuel Goldenberg
Jane Seymour — Joyce Penelope Frankenburg
Simone Signoret — Simone-Henriette Kaminker
Beverly Sills — Belle Silverman
Sophie Tucker — Sophia Kalish
Jean Pierre Aumont — J. P. Goldberg
Gene Wilder — Gerald Silberman
Sam Waterston — Sam Wasserstein
Douglas Fairbanks — Douglas Ulman
Lainie Kazan — Elaine Levine
Lenny Bruce — Leonard Schneider

Yiddish was the secret code, therefore I don’t farshstaist,
A bisseleh maybe here and there, the rest has gone to waste.
Sadly when I hear it now, I only get the gist.
My Bubbeh spoke it beautifully; but me, I am tsimisht.

So och un vai as I should say, or even oy vai iz mir,
Though my pisk is lacking Yiddish, it’s familiar to my ear.
And I’m no Chaim Yonkel, in fact I was shtick naches,
But, when it comes to Yiddish though, I’m talking with my tuchas.

Es iz a shandeh far di kinder that I don’t know it better
(Though it’s really nishtkefelecht when one needs to write a letter)
But, when it comes to characters, there’s really no contention,
No other linguist can compete with honorable mentshen:
They have nebbishes and nebechels and others without mazel,
Then, too, schmendriks and schlemiels, and let’s not forget schlemazel.
These words are so precise and descriptive to the listener,
So much better than ‘a pill’ is to call someo ne ‘farbissener’.

Or – that a brazen woman would be better called chaleria,
And you’ll agree farklempt says more than does hysteria.
I’m not haken dir a tsheinik and I hope I’m not a kvetch,
But isn’t mieskeit kinder, than to call someone a wretch?

Mitten derinnen, I hear Bubbeh say, ‘It’s nechtiker tog, don’t fear,
To me you’re still a maven, zol zein shah, don’t fill my ear.
A leben ahf dein keppele, I don’t mean to interrupt,
But you are speaking narishkeit…..And a gezunt auf dein kup!’
click here to close

Videos

The Sixties
Turn on the soundBut at least we have the internet now so there!

http://objflicks.com/TakeMeBackToTheSixties.htm
click here to close
The Best Of Classic T.V.
Pick out one of your favorites from below and give it a try. If you were a fan of The Show of Shows with Sid, Imogene and Carl Reiner, try # 38. If you preferred Steve Allen’s humor, try # 16, and if you want to re-visit Flash Gordon, head over to #33. What fun! You’re bound to find a few to your liking.
Note: Click on the year next to your favorite T.V. show. But First, the Top 10 best music on “The Ed Sulivan Show“!

1. JACKIE GLEASON ON THE ROCKY MARCIANO SHOW THE MAIN EVENT (1960)

2. JAMES DEAN: HIS FINAL TV APPEARANCE (1954)

3. ELVIS SINGS BLUE SUEDE SHOES (1956)

4. A TRIBUTE TO ELVIS PRESLEY, THE KING OF ROCK & ROLL (1959-62)

5. THE EDSEL INTRODUCED ON NBC (1957)

6. BOBBY DARIN’S “MACK THE KNIFE” (1959)

7. WESTINGHOUSE DEBUTS HI-TECH “ADVANCED TV” (1951)

8. WILLIAM BENDIX AS LOVABLE

CHESTER A. RILEY (1956)

9. ICONS I: WHAT MADE 50′S TV GOLDEN (COMPILATION, (1952-60)

10. THE PATTI PAGE SHOW (1958)

11. BLOOPERS FROM THE HONEYMOONERS (1957-58)

12. THE CENSORED JERRY LEE LEWIS HERE UNCENSORED! (1957-59)

13. A TRUE 50′s DOO WOP TV CLASSIC (1958)

14. FAMILY AFFAIR (1966)

15. ALAN FREED’S BIG BEAT DANCE PARTY DANCERS (1959)

16. THE STEVE ALLEN SHOW (1957)

17. The Inventor Of TV Sketch Comedy ERNIE KOVACS (1954)

18. THE RED SKELTON SHOW (1959)

19. ICONS: THE DELINQUENCY RAMPAGE! (COMPILATION, 1957-60)

20. FATHER KNOWS BEST (1953)

21. PETTICOAT JUNCTION (1962)

22. OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALIST BOB MATTHIAS (1956)

23. DANCES OF THE 1950′s: THE HAND JIVE (1957)

24. GROUCHO MARX YOU BET YOUR LIFE (1959)

25. DRAGNET (1959)

26. THE IMMORTAL MUSICAL COMEDY OF VICTOR BORGE 1951

27. EDDIE FISHER SINGS A MEDLEY OF HIS BIGGEST HITS 1953

28. ABBOTT & COSTELLO: WHO’S ON FIRST? 1951

29. MORE DANCES OF THE 1950′s THE JITTERBUG 1958

30. THE HONEYMOONERS … IN COLOR! 1969

31. THE ORIGINAL FLASH GORDON SERIAL theatres-1939; TV-1960′s

32. THE LONE RANGER 1955

33. THE ENDEARING GRIMACES OF EDDIE CANTOR 1952

34. BOBBY DARIN NERVOUSLY HOSTS A BEAUTY CONTEST 1957

35. MORE DANCES OF THE 1950′s: THE LINDY HOP 1959

36. SHAKE, BABY, SHAKE! IT’S THE KILLER AGAIN! 1958

37. THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW 1958

38. SID CAESAR: YOUR SHOW OF SHOWS 1957

39. HERE COMES TOBOR! 1954

40. THE ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN 1954

41. THE ADVENTURES OF FLIPPER 1964

42. SPIKE JONES 1951

43. CAPTAIN VIDEO & HIS VIDEO RANGERS 1950

44. THE LIBERACE SHOW 1952

45. MEDIC 1954

46. THE BIG VALLEY 1965

47. THE ROOTS OF TV BASEBALL 1950-57

48. Mc HALE’S NAVY 1962

49. HOPALONG CASSIDY 1952

50. DARK SHADOWS 1966

51. FADS & FANCIES OF THE 50s & 60s

52. I LOVE LUCY 1952

53. THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW 1962

54. THE BEATLES FIRST TELEVISION APPEARANCE 1963

55. BAT MASTERSON 1958

56. MARTY ROBBINS ON THE JOHNNY CASH SHOW 1964

57. FRANK SINATRA SPEAKS CANDIDLY 1954

58. PASSWORD 1962

59. STAR TREK TV ON DEMAND 1966-present

60. MORE DANCES OF THE 50′s: THE SWINGBACK 1958

61. THE LIVE TV FRIDGE COMMERCIAL CATASTROPHE 1954

62. THE ARTHUR GODFREY SHOW 1957

63. BUILDING THE 1958 DODGE 1957

64. FIGHT CLASSIC: ROCKY MARCIANO vs. JERSEY JOE WALCOTT 1952

65. AND MORE GREAT ICONS OF THE 50′s VOL III 1952-59

66. ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS 1959

67. SATURDAY NIGHTLIVE~~ BEFORE SNL 1954-58

68. FELIX THE CAT 1959

69. THE DONNA REED SHOW 1958

70. THE GOLDBERGS 1952

71. LUCILLE BALL & CAROL BURNETT 1965

72. THE LITTLE RASCALS 1955

73. HIGHWAY PATROL 1956

74. LOST IN SPACE 1966

75. BEULAH 1951

76. BEWITCHED 1966

77. I DREAM OF JEANIE 1966

78. SEA HUNT 1957

79. DYNAMITE JOE RINDONE 1954

80. THE MILTON BERLE SHOW 1957
click here to close

The Ross Sisters 1944
Watch this till the end you will be amazed at the stunts they do.

click here to close

Pictures

Click on the expand icon   Scribd Expand Icon to get the maximum effect!

Rarely Seen Historical Photos

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Upload Files

Send Me Joke Suggestions